Episode XXI: The Lost Case Files
Well, this is it. My last day at McQuarrie Middle School.
I instinctively made a case file, but I realized I had nothing really to say, so….. I was stumped.
I was looking through my locker, clearing out everything inside. Foldy-Wan Kenobi. My old third grade journal. The case files.
I cleared everything out, threw it into a big box, and slammed my locker door.
I turned around at the sound, and opened my locker again. To my astonishment, I found a small stack of papers. My unfinished case files. The lost case files. I had nearly forgotten about them.
I sat down, and began reading through them. A lot of memories came flooding back. I decided to share them with whoever is reading this case file. I’m sorry if the punctuation and other technical stuff isn’t perfect. We generally edit the case files before we send them to whoever reads them. But they’re still really fun reads. So, for you, here’s my special treat. The Lost Case Files.
Story 1: Artie and R2
There’s this new weird kid that goes to our school now. No one knows much about him. He won’t tell anyone his name, sneaks around like a spy, and made his own Origami R2-D2!
It all started a few days after I finished my case file on Darth Paper. I thought my two case files where pretty interesting, so I posted them online. Well, that kid had just moved here to Virginia and apparently read those, inspiring him to make his own Origami “Star Wars” character.
First of all, I apologize to anyone reading this for the fact that Harvey has written his stupid comments in this case file. The other day at lunch he told me to let him see it, but I had learned my lesson about that. And so he stole it from me later that day and left his, and I quote, “scientific disclaimers” on every story.
Anyway, in this first story is told by Kellen, who was the first person to meet this new kid…
The New Kid
Okay, so, um, I’m in homeroom and all of a sudden, the PRINCIPAL walks in! I quickly try to remember if I had done any bad things lately, but than I realized, if I was in trouble, she’d call me over the intercom. But wait- what if the intercom broke or someth-
I couldn’t finish my thoughts, because then she said what she always says when she visits a classroom, “Good morning, students,” and she puts a finger to her ear and leans forward as if she expects us to say something.
When we don’t say anything, she looks confused, and looks at Mr. Howell.
So Mr. Howell’s like, “Ahem.”
We all groan and say, “Good Morning, Mrs. Rabbski.” Man, what grade does she think we’re in, 2nd?
So she gives us the hairy eyeball, than turns to the door and says, “Artie, come in.”
Then this really scrawny kid walked in, giving her a weird look. I guess he thought that she was a little weird for expecting us to still greet here when she visited.
“This is Artie,” she said. ”He’s from Arizona.”
THEN we all had to say, “Hi, Artie.”
So there’s an empty desk next to me, and the kid sat down in it.
So then Mrs. Rabbski’s like, “Make sure Artie has a good time here at our school!” Then she skipped out the door. So maybe she didn’t come because I was in trouble. Who cares? That woman freaks me out!
So anyways, I saw the kid silently take something out of his pocket. Then I noticed, that thing kind of looks like R2-D2. Than I realized, no, that’s totally R2. An ORIGAMI R2, no less! Artie and Artoo…..very Stooky…..
R2 the Comedian
So at lunch, Kellen was telling me all about Artie. Then we heard laughing over at the other table. We looked over, and saw that Artie was entertaining them with his Origami R2-D2 by having it talk (His impression’s terrible, by the way) and then he pretends to translate it into a joke. Some of them where actually pretty good, like this one:
A man and a women got married and decided to spend their honeymoon down in California. But right at that time the husband got called for an urgent one-day business trip. And so the wife went down to California without him to check into the hotel. Once she had their room all prepared, she sent him an E-Mail to tell him that everything was ready. But she misprinted the E-Mail address and accidentally sent it to an old woman in South Dakota who’s husband had died recently. She read the E-Mail, screamed, and fainted. This is what the E-Mail said:
Dear Honey, everything is ready for your arrival tomorrow. See you soon!
PS: It sure is HOT down here!
Harvey’s Comment: Okay, so maybe this Artie kid has some pretty decent jokes. So? As long as he has that pathetic excuse of an Origami R2-D2, he’s pretty much Dwight 2.0
My comment: Harvey and Kellen make a point. There’s something about that kid. It’s almost as if he’s another Dwight. Always goofing off, walking around with an Origami finger puppet, you get the idea.
The Wisdom of Origami Obi-Wan
One day, Artie made a new origami character: Obi-Wan! Everyone loved it! Obi-Wan even helped teach us all how to fold Kirigami Bogas! But, one person didn’t think Obi-Wan was that cool… That person was Harvey! Harvey had turned his Darth Paper back into Anakin, but, with a few tweaks to the folding of Darth/Anakin, he made… DARTH PAPER SUPREME! Harvey brought DP Supreme to school one day and at the lunchroom, his paper lightsaber slashed at Obi-Wan. The Jedi-Master fell off of Artie’s finger and hit the ground. “NOOO! Obi-Wan!” I cried. “Mwahahaha!!!” DP Supreme cackled. “You may have struck me down, but, I will return more powerful than you could ever imagine.” ObiWan said. Artie picked up Obi-Wan and ran away into the bathroom. He didn’t come out for like twenty minutes. But, when he came out, he was holding a new puppet: Origami Ghost of Obi-Wan! Everyone cheered… Everyone except Harvey…
My Comment: Before we could continue the case file, Dwight officially left McQuarrie. (He was technically still enrolled as a student until the end of the month, before he transferred to Tippett Academy). Artoo joined our Origami Rebel Alliance later, but we haven’t really spoken to him directly in a while. Maybe I should do that before I go…..
Story 2: The Origami Ewoks
Hey guys. Malcolm here. I just joined this little group made of ewoks and sixth graders. Anyways. So they call themselves “Exceptionally Wonderful Origami/Kirigami Sculpters”. Weird name, huh? So I joined and they gave me a kirigami black ewok. I named him “Whatshisname” because he was the exact ewok from the LEGO set Ewok Attack. So then we plotted our plan for the FunTime Menace…
Note: This chapter is by Remi, but I have to write it because her grammar is sorta nostrul. No offence, Remi.
Malcolm: So what do we do?
Me: Well. We must go to Rabbski and tell her that FunTime is borin-
Ben: Tommy and his friends already DID that.
Will E.W.O.K.S come up with a plan?
My Comment: Apparently, they DID come up with a plan. But that was already in our Jabba the Puppett and Princess Labelmaker case files, so…..yeah….. I’m actually gonna miss people like Remi.
Story 3: The Awesomeness of Origami Luke Skywalker
Um I uh don’t know how to explain this. Well here it goes. So me and Sara were talking about how Disney buying Star Wars is a bad idea. All of a sudden Kellen is running through the library like a maniac. “Kellen what’s wrong? “ “My origami Luke is missing!” said Kellen. Harvey butted in (as always) and started his annoying narnar. “I knew he couldn’t be trusted!” “Harvey, shut up you must. Note found I did.”. The note said that Kellen has to stay away from Rhondella, or else Luke will get it. And it’s from some guy named MJ.
Who is MJ?
We couldn’t find out who was MJ. Until Dwight came. He took out yoda and this is what he said. ” MJ we know is who.” Who?” snorted Harvey. ” Zack Martin, Luke he has.” ” That son of a Clone! ” said Kellen.
Tater Tot and 3 other basket ball players/clones where all surrounding him. “What do you want?” said Zack. “We want to know what you did to Luke Skyfolder!” said Kellen. “I don’t have him! But, I do have this note which I was told to give to Mike.” “A note for Mike?” said Kellen. “Yeah. It’s a note that some kid gave me to give to Mike.” “Lemme see” said Mike.
“Exchange of schools?!” screamed Mike. We all knew Mike was going to blow up. Since he doesn’t have Mace anymore, he doesn’t have any confidence. As Mike says, he let out some “Mad” tears. “For the first time, Origami Yoda was wrong!” said Harvey, Sara took out Han and said “You must be excited, kid.” “That what was the whole point of coming to Zack to find Luke?!” said Kellen. “I…Uh…Ehrm…” said Origami Yoda. “Wait… How do we know something is up?”
We found Luke! Well… Sorta
Tommy’s note: Kellen didn’t doodle this part or the meeting part.
Rhondella came out of no where and went up to Kellen. “Listen Kellen… I know you have a crush on me since the third grade… But, that was the old me… Look. Just read the secret casefile that was part of the Fortune Wookie file.” Kellen took the casefile and looked through it. Me and Sara both became mad. We where going to give him that after the war with Rabbski! Dwight took out origami yoda. “Sith you are…” Murky than said “Yoda’s right! Your sir are UN-stooky! Give Kellen Luke. And what’s with MJ?” “Listen up dip-wad. I’m a girl, not a sir. MJ stands for Michael Jackson, who is one of my favourite singers. And it is not Zack who has Luke. I do!” She took Luke out from her pocket. “I’m sorry Kellen. If you won’t get over me, than I know what will.” She ripped Luke in half! “Son! Noooooooooooooo!” said Anakin. Harvey then flipped up the helmet to create Darth Paper. “Luke!” said Kellen. “Don’t worry son. I’ll give you a cool robot suit like the one I have.” said Darth Paper. “Don’t bother.” said Kellen. He threw Luke in the garbage and went into Rabbski’s office. This is what we heard. “Listen Ms.Rabbski. I decided to quit the rebellion and do the right thing. That is to do the tests.” “Very good. For that you get to keep a free DS game that I confiscated from a student.” We all felt like if we were like Leia when she saw her home planet explode. “Hey! That’s my game!” said Harvey. “Yes! Now that stupid nerd is outta our lives for good!” said John Oxley as he came walking into the Library.
By Mike (The ex-halocron keeper)
At the meeting, my mom was talking to Ms. Rabbski. Kellen (Now the hall moniter) made everyone confiscate their origami characters. “Now that those puppets are put away, we can get started. I see what is the problem. These children are messing up your son’s ability to learn. We promise that if you let your son stay, these kids will get a punishment for tricking your son into not learning.” said Ms. Rabbski. “No way! I’m changing schools for my son! Let’s go Mike!” said my mom. That was the last time I ever saw them.
First day at new school
By Mike (Emailed to Tommy)
At my new school I met these couple of kids. Jen, Hansel, and Andrew. I learned that Hansel is Kellen’s cousin. He is also a massive drawer! I let him read the few chapters of the casefile so that he can learn about what happen to Kellen. Today we had computers. When I went on one of the computers I checked my email. I had something sent from Tommy and Dwight.
My Comment: This case file is actually pretty interesting. Because someone DID steal Luke. And it was Zack, just like Yoda said. I don’t know who changed up the story with Rhondella and everything, or why they wrote it so that Mike transferred to Marvel Middle School, but I actually kinda like it! (Except for when Kellen joined the Edu-FUNpire…..)
Story 4: Anakin Skypaper Strikes Back!
“Never said use the Force, you could not,” Yoda said. “Said only did I, ‘Give advice like ME, you cannot.'”
“Huh?” I was just standing there, confused.
“Advice like mine, you cannot give,” Yoda started. “Because unique, your advice is!”
Murky smiled. “Oh! I get it now! Well, I guess nobody won the contest, BUT….since Harvey ripped my Queen Origamidala, I think HE loses this contest!”
My Comment: I always wanted to include this in Jabba the Puppett, but it never really fit. It happened just one day after the Origami Rebel Alliance was formed. Obviously, Murky made a new Queen Origamidala, and Harvey went back to using his Anakin/Vader like normal. It’s funny, Harvey’s insults feel almost natural. Without them….hmmm…..
Story 5: The Secretary of Origami Yoda
The New Kid
Dwight came into the library today with a kid that looked about our age but was a little taller and had a little peach fuzz under his nose. “Guys, meet Robby.” said Dwight.
He had brown hair, brown eyes, and a red shirt with a pocket. Out of his pocket, there was a green thing. When he got closer, I noticed it looked like yoda. Harvey snickered. “Dwight found his twin. Let’s see if he’s as dumb as Dwight.” Robby quickly tackled Harvey to the ground and Dwight said “Woah, Robby he’s ok. He’s just joking.” Robby had a rubber band out that was loaded with a birdee ready to launch. “Are you sure sir?” said Robby. “Yes” replied Dwight. Dwight said that Robby had met Dwight at boy scout camp and liked his yoda so Robby made his own design. Dwight had helped him though, so Robby said that he was forever in Dwight’s debt. So this is a weird case file so far, but I needed to tell this to introduce the rest of the file.
Harvey’s comment: One Dwight is bad enough. But now there’s two.
Tommy’s comment: Harvey’s just upset that he nearly got beat up by Robby. So anyway, here’s the rest of the file.
The FunTime Pool Party.
So, uh, you know how rabbski is a crazy old lady. Well, she had a pool party to celebrate Funtime. Tommy was sick though. Dwight and Robby both swam with shirts on. Dwight came out of the pool and there was green and brown slop coming out of his pocket. Robby said “sir, you seem to have swam with candy in your pocket.” Then Dwight reached into his pocket and there was paper wadded up and had wierd paint stuff leaking off of it. Dwight realized it was yoda and started to cry but Robby said “don’t fret my pet.” and pulled a square sheet of green and brown paper. Then Robby’s yoda started to repeat instructions for Dwight’s yoda. Dwight soon had an EXACT replica of the old one. I mean EXACY. IT EVEN HAD WRINKLES IN THE SAME EXACT PLACES! Robby must be a Jedi too! I can’t wait to get advice!
Harvey’s comment: well, it looks like your case file is cut short Tommy, Robby was just on vacation here. He’s going back to Texas now.
Tommy’s comment: This stinks. And I was so close to finding out the truth!
My Comment: Okay, maybe I wasn’t “SO CLOSE” to finding out the truth, but I still wanted to figure this case out. On the bright side, I heard Robby was gonna be enrolled at the same high school I’m going to! Totally Plastic Dinosaurs!!
Story 6: Origami Chewbacca
Emperor Papertine’s Arrival
Ok, so I decided not to write this into my most recent case file, because it really doesn’t have any information key to the cause of the last one. (See “Darth Paper Strikes Back: An Origami Yoda Book” for that case) Anyway, THIS story isn’t really a case file, but it is something that my mom wanted done for an “Educational Writing Experience.” Basically, I’m forced to go to a writing class for the summer, and at the end of summer vacation, I have to read something about my childhood. And, since I never wrote it down, I’m doing it now; by writing about probably the most interesting thing that happened to me in 7th grade; save Dwight’s ingenious plan to be able to go to Tippett Academy with Caroline Broom.
…The ULTIMATE BATTLE between Good and Evil, Origami Chewbacca vs. Emperor Papertine! Here it is…
Just then, when all hope was lost, EMPEROR PAPERTINE himself burst through the door!
“Jedi Fools,” He yelled, “you will not stop me!”
The person who’s finger Papertine sat on laughed. I knew that laugh, but I couldn’t place it, we were, after all, in the almost pitch black auditorium. Then, Kellen did something I didn’t think he would do in a million years! But wait, I’m getting ahead of myself, I’ll just start from the beginning…
Darth Paper’s Announcement
This all started on that first month, when Origami Yoda, the amazing creation of my friend, Dwight Tharp, and Darth Paper, an Origami villain created by Dwight’s nemesis, Harvey Cunningham, began fighting in class. All of this was getting kinda old, but then, something REALLY WEIRD happened… In Biology class, Harvey stood up and yelled to the class, in his high, squeaky voice,
“Darth Paper has an announcement!”
I didn’t know what to think, I mean, Harvey was usually talking just to annoy us, but today, he seemed serious.
“There is a great disturbance in the Force,” Darth Paper said, “my old master, Emperor Papertine, has contacted me, and has a message for you all, bullies as well.”
Zack Martin’s eyes lit up.
“He is coming to McQuarrie Middle School, and if you do not do what I tell you, he will destroy all of you, except for the bullies. For them, he will keep them in mind, and give them all Origami apprentices. And as for the rest of you, you must prepare for his arrival, immediately! We need a giant vat of cheese, a ladder, and a welcome banner! he is said to come at the end of the month, right after lunchtime.”
Normally, I would expect this from Dwight, but Harvey? No way! It all went downhill from there…
Origami Yoda and the Return of the Wookiee
By Tommy, interviewing Kellen Campbell of McQuarrie Middle School
Kellen, what do you remember about Origami Chewbacca?
Oh, I thought that was a gorilla with a tie on!
Oh, yeah! Well, Origami Yoda was like, “Hrrm, listen to Darth Paper we must,” and I was like,”Why should we listen to him?” And he was like,“MUST!!!”
He does seem to have a habit of saying that. Anyway, then Dwight puts Origami Yoda in his pocket, and grabs his backpack! So, he opens it, and brings out Origami Chewbacca!
Wow, you just said an entire paragraph without going “Um…” And “Hmmm…..”
It’s big for me, but we are going into 8th grade once summer is over.
Anyway, Origami Chewbacca couldn’t really talk like the other things Dwight made, but, then again, Origami Yoda is the only one who gives great advice! And, Origami Chewbacca goes “Roar!”And I go “Cool!”
So, I think that when Dwight told Chewie and Yoda about Emperor Papertine, they were ready to help us!
Me: Thanks for your time, Kellen.
(Subject talks about how summer is going and topic changes)
Origami Chewbacca and September Fool’s Day
By Murky, Tommy’s partner in “Educational Writing Experiences”
Well, Tommy was sick from school (and sick of Harvey) one day, so I get to write about what happened that day.
So, Dwight walks into school with a VERY straight face, and I hated it. He was, for that day, completely sane! No problem with him at all! So, I walk up to him, and he just has a completely normal conversation with me! Then he pulls out Origami Chewbacca, and makes him talk, in a rather growly voice.
“The Emperor has captured Kellen in the bathroom!”
Well, since Kellen has had bad bathroom problems before, I decided I would try to save him! When I walk in, I find Kellen, hung up on a bathroom stall door by his underwear, and whining “Murky! Help me!” “Ok!” I respond.
After I “save” Kellen, he tells me what really happened.
“Ok, Harvey has crossed the line! This morning, he hung me up on that door, and brought in like, half of the 7th grade, just to have a laugh!” Kellen explained.
Afterward, I went over to the Lunch table, (I took Tommy’s seat that day) and I asked Dwight why he lied.
“Purple!” said Dwight, smearing his biscuits in gravy like a maniac. I suspect that just that morning, he went into the bathroom, saw Kellen, and decided to make a joke. Before my mom drove me back home, I asked Dwight a second time.
“Happy September Fool’s Day!” he replied. So, I didn’t get my answer as clear as I wanted, but oh well.
Harvey’s comment: Yeah, sure! Like Dwight didn’t make enough of a fool of himself without my help!
Origami Chewbacca and the Battle of Cashyyk! (A Dollar Bill Origami Planet)
When I returned the next day, I was greeted by same old, crazy, paper folding Dwight, and Origami Yoda.
“Help Origami Chewbacca, you must,” he said, “His favorite place in Dwight’s room, the dollar bill origami pile, under attack it is, by Crease Dooku, and his army of Origami Battle Droids!”
“Ok, how can I help him?”
“Origami Admiral Ackbar I have, helpful he will be,” said Origami Yoda.
So, I went over to Dwight’s house, blindfolded, of course, so I couldn’t see “The Horror,” as he said it. When I took off my blindfold, I was staring at a GIANT pile of Origami STAR WARS figures, all made of dollar bills! So, I dive in, and Dwight pops out from the pile!
“So, Tommy, are you ready to try?” asked Dwight.
“Do, or do not, there is no try,” I said to Dwight, in my best Yoda voice. Origami Chewbacca practically appears on Dwight’s finger, and tells me “Help me, please!”
I almost felt sorry for that piece of paper. I went in, with Origami Admiral Ackbar on my finger, and battled the Battle Droids! When it looked like victory, Crease Dooku emerged on Dwight’s finger, and we had the coolest light-paper duel ever!
Harvey’s Comment: Ok, this proves how crazed Dwight is, not only does he believe in a paperwad, but he also uses good money on stuff that could just be folded with regular paper! Then again, nothing is “normal” with weirdo Dwight.
Tommy’s Comment: (Soapy Talk)
Origami Chewbacca and the Final Week
By Tommy, with helpful (and un-helpful) information from Kellen, Dwight, and Harvey
Ok…The final week…Deep stuff.
Well, Sara and I have been preparing the school for Emperor Papertine’s arrival, and Lance and Quavondo helped, too. Sadly, Sara and I never got to talk, but, then again, when did we talk that year? But then, Harvey came with Darth Paper. “Your preparations betray you,” Darth Paper said, “your feelings for this event are strong,” he continued.
“Harvey, why are you trying to make this harder than when Mr. Good Clean Fun and Soapy talked about some kind of Halfpott story?!?” I asked.
“I try so hard!” he replied.
“No, fall into cheese you will, before the week is done,” said Origami Yoda, as Dwight walked into the auditorium.
Anyway, those next four days were torture! Everyone was talking about “The new bully-to-nerd-ratio tool” And when Dwight found out that Caroline Broome, his “Friend who’s a girl and he has a crush on,” was changing schools, he was devastated.
But, when the final day came, things got STRANGE!
Origami Yoda’s prediction came true. Harvey was making fun of us when he fell into a giant vat of cheese meant for the event and made a total fool of himself. That isn’t the strange part; Origami Yoda’s predictions always come true! The strange part was that Dwight didn’t go to school that day, the one day he NEEDED to be there! If he didn’t come, Emperor Papertine might get angry at us for not bringing his arch enemy!!! It’s a good thing that at least we have Origami Chewie with us, just in case. (He can rip an arm from a socket, y’know, he might be able to defeat Darth Shredious, or whoever it is).
So, during Lunchtime, as we were almost ready to greet Papertine, Harvey, completely cheese free, talks to us before Papertine arrives.
“Y’know, guys, Darth Paper might accept an apology from you for being mean to us, and he could tell the Emperor that he doesn’t have to destroy you. How about that?”
“Look, Harvey,” I started.
“What, are you gonna say no?!? That’s so like you, Tommy, never being a big man and taking responsibility for his actions, like me! I mean, I’M so great, I’M so responsible, I’M-”
Just then, a very angry Kellen punched Harvey, with Origami Chewbacca, right in the nose! Chewbacca ripped off Darth Paper’s arms, and pushed Harvey, who accidentally tipped over a ladder, and the ladder hit the power box! The box blowed a fuse, just before the school bell went off, signaling that Emperor Papertine was here!
Just then, when all hope was lost, EMPEROR PAPERTINE himself burst through the door! “Jedi Fools,” He yelled, “you will not stop me!” The person who’s finger Papertine sat on laughed. I knew that laugh, but I couldn’t place it, we were, after all, in the almost pitch black auditorium. Then, Kellen did something I didn’t think he would do in a million years!
ORIGAMI CHEWBACCA REVEALS THE TRUTH!!!
Kellen ripped off one side of the welcome banner from the wall, used the other side of the banner to hoist himself into the air, pulled up the ladder, climbs up it, and throws Origami Chewbacca, who hits on the power box, restoring the light to the school!
Once we were out of the dark, I could tell who was holding Emperor Papertine!
“DWIGHT?!?” Every kid in McQuarrie Middle School yelled out his name.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“I’m being Emperor Papertine,” Dwight says, in his “Matter of fact” voice. Harvey was having a ball. “Yes! Dwight owes me twenty bucks!” he said. I was really confused.
“Alright, look,” said Dwight, as he cowered and stuffed himself in a corner, “as you all know, Harvey and I have been fighting for the past month, and no matter what I did, he wouldn’t stop! So, I said to him, ‘Harvey, please stop!’ And so Harvey said, ‘how about I make you a bet, if I win the next Origami Lightsaber duel, you have to pretend to be an Origami Emperor that will destroy the school, give me twenty dollars, AND make an Origami character for every bully in the school!’ And so I said, ‘Well, if I win, you will have to say to the entire 7th grade that you were wrong about Origami Yoda, and that you are sorry.’ So, I lost; purple.”
“Dwight!” I said, “You don’t have to listen to Harvey, he’s just a jerk who doesn’t know when enough is enough.”
“You’re right, Tommy, thanks!” said a very cheerful Dwight. He never stays down about anything for long.”Hurtful!” yelled Harvey, still trying to fix Darth Paper’s arms, and cuddling his new, crisp 20 dollar bill.
Then, Dwight folded an Origami Grievous for every bully in the school, and walked out of the auditorium, carrying Origami Chewbacca.
So, after all that, I think that we need a rest.
The story’s over, but I still have to read it at the end of the summer, so, I guess I can edit it.
The End This Is?
My Comment: Why do I not remember this happening? I mean, seriously, either I’m drawing a complete blank, or someone wrote this story as a work of fiction. Oh, wait! There’s a second one here!
The Final Story: Origami Chewbacca 2 — The Attack of Crease Dooku
The Revenge of the Sith
Last Year, in 7th Grade, my friend Dwight Tharp invited me to his house.
That would have been normal, just a couple of friends, hangin’ out, but nothing, and I mean NOTHING, is normal with Dwight. That trip to his house was to defeat a vile villain, Crease Dooku, who threatened Origami Chewbacca’s home planet, Cashyyk (an Origami dollar bill planet). Crease Dooku had set up a boarder of Origami Battle Droids to defeat Chewbacca. But, with a little help from Origami Admiral Ackbar, we fought Crease Dooku, and saved the planet! But, little did we know he would return, and he would return with a new dope; Harvey Cunningham!
A New Dope
Yo! The reason we are doing this case file is because Harvey actually requested it of us. Can you imagine? Harvey, asking US for help!! Asking ORIGAMI YODA for help!!!
Y’see, for the past couple of years, Harvey has been all down about Origami Yoda. He thinks that he is “just a paperwad,” but we knew the truth. Origami Yoda had been helping us through Middle School, with girl problems, pop quizzes, evil teachers, skating brats, and even evil little monkey puppets! (Soapy, to be exact). Origami Yoda is our friend, as is Dwight. Dwight is generally an oddball, but a fun oddball at that. He helps us when we need it, and he’s a true friend. Harvey, on the other hand, doesn’t have many friends; so he just folds more origami Star Wars characters, hoping to one day defeat Dwight, and prove that Origami Yoda is a fake. (Which isn’t true; he is too real!) Anyway, Harvey somehow found out about Crease Dooku. So, he actually broke into Dwight’s house and found Crease Dooku, but there is no proof that he did.
So why the heck are we making a helpful case file for Harvey if he’s such a jerk?!? Don’t tell anybody, but we are actually using this to try and catch Harvey; if in his writing he confesses to breaking and entering into Dwight’s house, we could even put him in Juvi! (Not that we really want to, but Harvey crossed a line when he did that!)
Harvey wants us to write the case file to show Mrs. Rabbski that Crease Dooku is allowed in school, and that Origami Yoda is not. That’s just as crazy as Horton Halfpott telling Casper Bengue that his fake mustache is crooked! Harvey must be stopped! This is our case file into Crease Dooku and a New Dope!
Origami Dooku and the Power of the Dark Side
“Well, Paperwad Yoda has finally met his match, my young apprentice,” Crease Dooku said to me, “We will defeat Dwight, and do what Darth Paper and your Origami Yoda could not.”
I looked down at the garbage bin where I had torn up and thrown away my Origami Yoda, and at the desk where I kept Origami Anakin/Vader. They were both almost successful at doing the impossible, defeating Origami Yoda, but sadly, Tommy’s case files and Yoda’s so called “wisdom” always beat me in the end; of course, Darth Paper was actually helping Dwight, but that’s not the point, he still failed to defeat him, since I found out that I hadn’t won when I thought I did, back when Dwight sent me that note saying Origami Yoda wasn’t real, but Dwight (or Yoda) had Jedi Mind Tricked me.
“We will win, Crease Dooku. The Power of the Dark Side of the Fold is strong with us.”
“We will defeat my maker who betrayed me, then, we will kill his useless puppet!” Crease Dooku replied. (I don’t remember actually making him say that; could HE be real?)
Origami Dooku goes to School
Well, as always, jerky Harvey was walking into second period Geometry when he pulls out this piece of paper that was folded into, I guess, Origami Count Dooku. (Harvey insists I say that he is incredible, and way better than Origami Yoda, but that’s not what I think at all).
Crease Dooku told me “You cannot do Geometry without my power!”
I HATE when people insist for me do something or follow someone, especially Harvey, so I just said to him, “Harvey, I can do Geometry without you, and I can do it a heck of a lot better than if I took help from you, thank you very much.”
“Well, young Senator, we will now discuss your allegiance with the Confederacy,” said Crease Dooku, “I challenge you to a battle of the brains; today at lunch. We will exchange questions and answers, and see who is smarter of us both, and whoever wins must admit that either Crease Dooku or Paperwad Yoda is fake.”
Well, I, being the tough-girl that I am, I took his challenge, but I knew that Harvey had been getting better grades then me in Geometry, and I was a little bit worried; it was already 11:30! So I asked Harvey if he could put it off until tomorrow at lunch. He allowed me, but only if he gets the first question point by default. Reluctantly, I agreed.
So, when I got home, I walked over to Dwight’s house. He lives right next door to me. I told him about my dilemma, and he said that I should ask Origami Yoda.
“Origami Yoda, what should I do about this competition with Harvey?”
“Answer do not. Ask questions, you should,” he said.
“What does that mean?!?”
“Means it does that if give him THESE questions, win the challenge you will.”
Dwight then gave me a notepad with questions and answers on it. But I didn’t tell him I was coming over! Could Origami Yoda… No, not even the great Origami Yoda could see the future to that extent! (Actually I think he could, but Harvey made me write that I didn’t think so). The next day, I went to Harvey, at the lunch table, where he sat with Origami Count Dooku. He asked me the first question, and I didn’t know the answer, so I didn’t answer him, like Origami Yoda said. Harvey got annoyed with me and decided to have me give the answers first. So, I started with the first one:
“How much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck would?” I asked.
Harvey looked aghast, “How am I supposed to know that?!?!? I DON’T KNOW!!! NOBODY KNOWS!!!”
Ok, the plan was working well so far, but now it was time to zing him with the second question:
“How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?”
Harvey smiled, “You…You’re trying to make me lose! You’re cheating! If I asked you one, you wouldn’t know it, either!”
I knew where this was going, and Dwight told me about it.
“Ok, fine, give me a question, then!”
Harvey started, “What is Sara Bolt’s middle name? WAIT, WHAT?!?”
“Dorothy,” I say to him, proudly.
“NOOOO!!! That’s not fair!! You ARE cheating!!!” Harvey whined.
“Well, you were cheating when you robbed Dwight’s house for Crease Dooku!” Our big plan was finally in motion.
“I…I don’t know what you’re talking about!” Harvey said, suspiciously, “I didn’t take Dooku or Chewie or anybody!”
Well, that didn’t work. I still won, and Harvey admitted the truth about Crease Dookafdlhfluiruglfjhku4hgku……………………
What Just Happened
What just happened to Sara’s story was that I am now going to write the ENTIRE story! I can’t have them all sabotaging it! And what’s this stuff about a “master plan” or “proof” that their talking about?!? It makes no sense!! Obviously, Paperwad Yoda is just Dwight being a tad bit clever. I mean, Dwight must have known that Sara was coming, or maybe he just planned for someday to zing me along with Sara with some quick questions. Anyway, there is NO WAY that I could believe that Origami Yoda is real. By the way, I did not admit the truth about Crease Dooku, because it’s NOT the truth! I really think that my Crease Dooku is absolutely, positively, 100% REAL!!!!!
Tommy’s Comment: Hey guys! I stole Harvey’s case file quickly to tell you that Harvey stole from Dwight and he is a liar and a cheater! ORIGAMI YODA IS REAL!!! DWIGHT SAID SO!!! IN DARTH PAPER STRIKES BACK!! READ THE FINAL PAGES AFTER “YARDSTICK!!” WHY AM I IN CAPS LOCK?!?!?
Crease Dooku VS Origami Yoda
By Harvey, with editing by Tommy and Dwight 🙂
One day, I woke up and told Origami Dooku that today was the day that Dwight and Origami Yoda would pay for everything they did to us. Yes, I acknowledge that Origami Yoda could be real, just as Darth Paper may have been real, and Crease Dooku is real. Maybe…just maybe….Tommy and Dwight had a point. Origami Yoda is REAL.
“Now, my young apprentice,” Crease Dooku spoke to me, “we will destroy Dwight and bring peace to our new empire!”
“You got it!” I said, not thinking that Crease actually might DESTROY Dwight.
That day at school, I found Dwight’s locker, and shoved a letter into it, so that Dwight will fall into our trap. It said that I believe in Paperwad Yoda, and that I wanted to apologize, which is half-right. I DO believe that Origami Yoda is real, but Dwight has barely anything to do with him. Then, I wrote Dwight that he should come to the library with Origami Yoda so I can apologize to the both of them. Instead, they will feel the wrath of DARTH HARVEY!!! (Oh, and Crease Dooku)
(Hey Guys! It’s Dwight! I haven’t ever written in a Case File before, so please don’t mock me for it.) From my point of view, it looked like Harvey was finally turning a new leaf. Boy was I brown! When I got to the library, I saw Harvey with Crease Dooku. I instinctively pulled out Origami Yoda, and got him ready for battle.
From Tommy’s point of view:
Well, I was at the library, hitting on Sara with Origami General Grievous, which I obtained from Dwight, when I saw the two of them, Dwight and Harvey, in a light-paper duel to the death!!!
“Fought well you have, my former padawan,” said Origami Yoda.
“This is only the beginning,” said Harvey, or maybe Crease Dooku.
The two of them continued to duel, but were kicked out of the library for being too loud. They continued with the fight, and I watched them. They (OY and CD) battled ferociously, for pieces of paper; and so did Dwight and Harvey. Those two were actually trying to hit each other, which could expel them both! I tried to stop them, when Crease Dooku said, independently from Harvey, who wasn’t even moving his lips, “I’m sorry, old friend…continue the executions!” Then, Harvey freaked out!
Back to Harvey (Hey, how did they get my case file?!?)
I was REALLY REALLY SCARED!!!!! I mean, I knew Origami Dooku was real, but not REAL, y’know?
I dropped him the second he stopped his sentence, and he just floated up into the air and waved his light-paper independently!
“Now, young Tharp, you will die!!!” he said, as he actually fired REAL Force Lightning at Dwight.
“Harvey, save me!!” Dwight pleaded.
Tommy tried to stop him with General Grievous, but Grievous, of course, worked side by side with Dooku. The two of them continued to, like, KILL Dwight!!!!! I knew what I had to do…
I charged at Crease Dooku, ripped off his light-paper, and threw him off the balcony of the second floor! General Grievous turned back into normal paper, and Tommy picked him up again.
“Finally, get it do you?” said Origami Yoda, out of Dwight’s hand and without Dwight talking, since he was in pain, “really real are we.”
“HOW?!?” asked Tommy, dazed. (Back to Tommy)
“For me to know, that is, and you to find out,” he said, with a chuckle. I had spent so much time trying to find out the truth, and what I learn scares me. I didn’t know he could do THAT!!!!! I helped Dwight up, and Origami Yoda nodded at him, as though he could finally tell us something.
Dwight: “Guys,” I said, speaking to Tommy and Harvey, “I have been keeping this a secret for too long. When I first met Origami Yoda, he came to me in a ship called the Mail-lennium Falcon. I don’t know how he did it, or where he TRULY comes from, but he wanted me to help him save the McQuarrie students from the dangers of middle school! I’ve often wondered if the same thing happened to Harvey’s Darth Papers, potentially, and also Crease Dooku and Chewbacca and Grievous and others. If so, Crease Dooku was a REAL threat to Chewbacca’s REAL home, and you saved it, Tommy; you and the real Origami Ackbar. Dooku wanted revenge, I guess. But Harvey, can you admit that you really did break into my house to steal Crease, and you took Tommy’s story?”
“He doesn’t have to!” Tommy said, “I read our case file, and I found that Harvey said in Sara’s chapter, and I quote, ‘I didn’t steal Crease Dooku, or CHEWIE, or anything!’ How did he know you had Chewie, Dwight? He never read that you had him in the first case file, and he never really saw him!”
WE HAD PROOF!!
The Final Chapter
By Tommy, with Origami Yoda
Well, after I finished writing the rest of the case file with Dwight and a reformed Harvey, we all decided that we wouldn’t press any charges on Harvey, and even Dwight’s mom (yes, even hissy fit Mama Tharp), thought that Harvey has just being a boy, as boys always play.
Sadly, Origami Yoda told us to hide this case file, so that we, nor anyone else, would never see it again. We wondered why we had to hide it from ourselves, for obvious reasons, and he said, “YOU MUST UNLEARN WHAT YOU HAVE LEARNED.”
Yoda’s Note: Forgotten the events of Origami Chewbacca and Crease Dooku, McQuarrie Middle School has. The End…This Is.
My Comment: No Comment.
I just stared at the case file. I never would’ve guessed that Darth Paper and all the others had Force powers, too. (Well, not the Fortune Wookiee, obviously…that was girl-power…)
I walked back into the cafeteria. It was lunchtime. I saw Kellen sitting next to Remi, and all my other friends sitting with their semi-girlfriends. Except for Sara, who was waiting patiently for me. I went over to her.
“Hey,” I said. “Did you read this?”
Sara smiled. “Well, actually…Yoda trusted me to keep the case files safe. I’m the one that put them in your locker.”
“Wait, so you…?”
“Yeah…I might’ve kinda sorta known the truth about Yoda. And he might’ve kinda sorta let me in on the secret from the get-go.”
“WHAT?!?” I cried.
“Tommy, I’m his next-door neighbor. Do you really think Dwight Maximus Tharp can keep a secret safe for longer than five minutes?”
Dwight walked over to us. He lifted up Force Ghost Yoda. “Truly wonderful, the mind of a female is. Boys. Hmmph! Men. Hah! A Jedi trusts not these ones. Girls, or girls not. There are no boys.”
I never thought I’d give Yoda a death-glare, but it happened nonetheless. “Only a Sith deals in absolutes…” I grumbled.
The last day was my favorite day at McQuarrie. I talked to Artie, called up Robby, met up with Malcolm, emailed Mike, and finally, I tossed Origami Chewbacca in Dwight’s direction. He looked at me straight in the eyes. “We cool, man?”
“Yeah,” I smiled. “May the Force be with you, Dwight and Yoda.”
The Big Question: Is Origami Yoda Real?
The Big Answer: It’s…Complicated.
SLS, don’t fret! It’s canon again! There was just a misunderstanding. All’s good now!
CREASE DOOKU MUST RETURN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT IS HIS DESTINY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!