The OYEU Time Travel Special
THE OYEU TIME TRAVEL SPECIAL
As the finale of the OYEU approaches in the form of Twilight of the Student, the OYEU Council embarks on a journey throughout the realms of time and space in search of ideas to complete the story….
TIME: I can’t read analog clocks.
LOCATION: OYEU Council HQ
As Jawa was just about to take his lunch break, he walked past a calendar. Had he read that calendar, he would’ve noticed that it said on the 1st of March: “OYEU Finale Release Date” in large, red letters. But Jawa is about 5 cans short of a six pack. That’s just a fancy way of saying that he’s incredibly dumb. That way, if he reads this, he probably won’t understand it.
Thankfully, Noah and CJ were tagging along with Jawa on his trip to the far away land known as “Subway” and noticed the large, red letters. Noah took his phone out to check the date: March 1st. He gasped. CJ pulled out his phone and checked the date. March 1st.
I found it extremely hard to write what sound CJ made when he saw the date, but I’ll give it my best shot:
“What are we gonna do?!?” proclaimed Noah as Jawa walked back into the room after hearing the deafening screech from CJ.
“We’ve been through this before, Noah. CJ has screeching spasms all the time. You remember that one time when we were watching-” Jawa was cut short by Noah.
“No, Jawa, what are we gonna do about the OYEU finale? We have to finish Twilight of Student before midnight tonight or our fanbase will eat us alive!”
By this time, CJ had stopped screeching and stated “Our fanbase? Really?”
“Alright, fine.” said Noah. “More like our 4-7 readers. But they’ll still eat us alive!”
And so the great think-a-thon commenced. The Council held a conference in the “Meeting Room”, which is just a fancy word for the HQ Bathroom with the broken toilet that sprays water just like that geyser “Ol’ Faithful” when you flush.
The group sat in the closest shape they could get to a circle, except for JC, who is so small that he fit in the sink.
“Alright” said Noah. “We’ve got less than 24 hours to come up with the finale that ends a nearly decade long run of origami fanfiction.”
“Boy, what a setup for a story.” Jawa said, breaking the fourth wall slightly.
“You know, I think that’s how they made The Last Jedi.” Cam added.
JC spoke up. “Guys, what if we turned back time?”
“You mean like the song?” said Peyton.
“No, I mean what if we literally turned back time?”
“Are you really saying what I think you’re saying?” said Noah.
JC replied, “Yep.” he paused. “We’re gonna take that cuckoo clock off the wall and turn the hands back on it!”
“Oh, that sounds like a great idea – wait, what?” Noah exclaimed. But it was too late. The rest of the Council has already run over to the clock and began fiddling with the hands.
Throughout the commotion and bickering, they finally managed to turn the clock back five long minutes. Seeing their supposed success, the team began shouting “Hooray!”, except for Noah, who was the only one who realized that nothing had happened.
“Guys, guys!” shouted Noah. “Calm down. You didn’t do anything, see?” He showed them the time on his phone. The rest of the council let out a sigh. So back to the bathroom they went.
“So turning the hands back didn’t work. But I have another idea.” said JC. “You know how Superman can fly so fast that he can reverse time? What if we all ran backwards at the same time? I think that could really work, I mean-” Noah cut him off.
“Let me stop you right there, bud. That’s not gonna happen. The only way you could possibly turn back time is if we had a time machine. Which we don’t. Because they DON’T. EXIST.”
Realizing that Noah was sitting on the lid of the toilet, Peyton felt the need to utter this simple pun: “Well you’re a party pooper.”
The group all chuckled for far too long. Except for Noah. And for some strange reason, Jawa. It was almost as if he was in a trance. He started to mutter.
“Time machine…time…machine…the machine…Jasper…GUYS!”
“What?!?” said the collective Council. “I have an idea. You know that story I wrote about time travel a long time ago on the EU? The one I never finished?”
“Yeah, but what’s that got to do with anything?” said Cam. “Well, that was a real story.” replied Jawa. “At least part of it was. Jasper. He’s my cousin. He lives in the basement.”
“Your basement?” said Noah. “No.” said Jawa. “He lives here. In this basement. I put him here 5 years ago because he started using up all the internet at my house playing online games.”
“So how come we’ve never seen him here?” Noah said. “Well, he’s an introvert.” said Jawa. ”He doesn’t like people. But I’m sure he won’t mind a few visitors. Let’s go down and see him.” So the group traveled down into the basement of the HQ.
“Here we are.” Jawa said, flipping on the light.
“Why are the lights off?” said Cam.
“Yeah, and why was the door locked to get down here?” added Peyton.
“Like I said, he’s an introvert. He likes the lights off. See, he’s right there. Wassup, Jasp?” Jawa spun Jasper’s gaming chair around to reveal a rotting corpse. Pretty much a skeleton by this point.
“Maybe I shoulda brought him some food and water every now and then. Oh well.” Jawa pushed the corpse aside and hopped into the chair, while Noah stood in shock as Peyton, JC, and the others observe “The Machine
“So, how does this thing start?” said CJ. “Maybe it’s that big green button that says ‘START’.” replied JC. “Oh. Good thinking, JC!”
As the crew piled into The Machine, Jawa spoke up:
“Before we go anywhere, just remember that no matter where we go, the clock is always ticking here in the present day.”
“So we’re not even clever enough to come up with our own plot?” said CJ. “We’re literally remaking Bill and Ted with origami!”
“Gotta start somewhere though, right?” said Jawa. “Let’s get going!”
Jawa climbed into The Machine, joining the rest of The Council.
“Where should we go first?” asked Cam.
“How about starting things off on a high note?” replied JC. “The first appearance of Jacob Minch.”
JC slapped the start button, and The Council was off. The Machine began to buzz and whirr and zapped itself into the circuits of time. While they were on their way to the first stop in the crew’s dimension splitting road trip, CJ found it fitting to screech the entire theme song from Little Einsteins.
“WE’RE GOING ON A TRIP IN OUR FAVORITE ROCKETSHIP!” Jawa and Peyton joined in. “ZOOMING THROUGH THE SKY!” Cam and JC gave in as well. “LITTLE EINSTEINS!”
“Every day we stray further from God.” Noah said quietly.
Did you guys see Thor: The Dark World? Man, I bet there’s never gonna be a Thor movie as great as that. Never. NEVER EVER. MMM-HMM, never!
I love how Noah is the only sane one
Jawa: I indirectly killed my cousin.
JC: Superman! Superman! Superman!
Cam: questioning life slowly but surely
Noah: That one underrated daycare worker who does all the work.
StarWarsFolder12 And Stooky Sauce: Well, well. We’re gone too (though we don’t visit), but I guess we get no representation! *le sad face*
If I was Noah, I’d actually be afraid to talk smack to JC’s face. Eeerrrrgghhh, that nerve…wish I could have that…