Scissor Blade: The PSAT Vampires
This Gig Just Started and it’s Already Getting Old.
By Caleb Wolfram
I hate living with a military family. From attending middle school in Lucas County, Virginia, to getting deployed in Okinawa, only to finally get some peace in JuteFruce until my Senior year where we had to move to Madison, New York – I can’t find peace.
I attend Wheeler High School, with a Student Body Decision Making Council that labels their different groups as the “Eight Realms,” wielding puppets from Thor and Guardians of the Galaxy. It’s just odd to me. The students that have been willing to talk to me have told me about the ninth realm, Midgard, or Kirby High School. That school is our “rival” and we’re meant to despise Kirbians. However, I feel indifferent to them. I feel indifferent to a lot of the students here. They flaunt their origami puppets around like status symbols. I didn’t join the JROTC because they had Nova puppets. Like, I read comics. I know what the Nova Corps is, and I don’t want to join them, to my dad’s dismay.
I feel like an outcast. I mean, I never could settle, so it makes sense. The rumors always happen in the first couple weeks. ‘That Caleb guy is on the run from the mafia,’ ‘He doesn’t even have a puppet. The absolute insanity.’
If I wanted to join their game, I would need a reason to. I would need something to motivate me, however, I don’t have any desire. I’m an outcast. I’m the eighth realm.
That hurts. Seriously, it hurts me. To be the subject of rumors, to hear constant snide comments, it hurts.
However, the comments have started to die down. The stares from the Jocks have ceased as every student in the school is worried over one thing:
Well, not everyone is worried. The seniors can’t take it – in fact, they don’t even have to show up for school that day. When I took it last year, I didn’t do so well. What can I say? I was at Kane High School. Not the best environment for exam taking.
If I could take it anywhere else, I guess Wheeler would be the place I’d want to have it at. I haven’t seen any dirt or grime anywhere. Students aren’t loud for the most part, and I don’t think every student here has been to detention at least once.
But, like I said, every student in the school is worried over this as it’s coming up in three days. They don’t understand what the difference between no calculator and calculator sections. During these study sessions that our school is having to lead up to it, I’m able to just take a chill pill. I mean, I’m not taking the test, I’m heading off to Kansas State after I graduate, what do I have to worry about?
But, my dad has always raised me with this weird sense of duty. I am “morally obligated” to try and keep everything “the American way” which is keeping everything in order. So when I heard a group of hot-topic shopping, Myspace browsing, beyblade playing, black clothes wearing, sad origami folding group of goths that called themselves the “Vampires” discussing plans to prolong the test for a couple days, the American Way came out of me.
The Gig is just getting started, and I swear if I have to make a puppet, I’m going to be tired of it.
I Made a Puppet.
By Caleb Wolfram
I made a puppet. I know, the last chapter I said I wouldn’t, but I felt that I should stick with the theming of this school – if there was danger, a hero with an origami puppet will come in to stop it. There’s Dove Macleash, there’s uhhh- uhm… well, Dove is the only one I know of. Like, everyone knows of Dove Macleash.
One of the movies my dad would keep with him whenever we’d go to different states was “Blade: Trinity,” an absurd film – like, really, it was really bad.
But, I resonated with the character of blade. I didn’t understand what he was saying because it was a Japanese copy, however, I understood that he was killing vampires.
While I wouldn’t be killing these Black Parade rejects, I would be defeating them before they could interrupt the PSATs. I would be a vampire hunter.
So, I made Blade. The perfect vampire hunter for Wheeler.
It’s the American Way, with some Japanese influence. The puppet looks more like the Blade from the comics because I couldn’t figure out how to fold his hair from the films.
The first step would be to visit their “Kamelot Karaoke” club, where they’ll sing gothic metal songs. I’ll write how it went.
I can’t believe it’s already over.
By Caleb Wolfram
I made this puppet for nothing.
So the club is in Miss Bonham’s classroom. I learned from listening to other kids that her class on Gothic Fiction attracts the weirdest of the kids and that they just sit around in a dark room with fake halloween bats as they blast “Korn,” “Kamelot,” “Delain” and some other goth scream-o bands.
Kamelot Karaoke club is just a recruitment site to get kids to join the “Vampires” by blasting their heavy music, the sad voices of people asking “Where are you? And I’m so sorry,” as they play with paper and sharpies.
I walked into the classroom, taking in the environment as they had a fog machine going.
“Is this a Halloween party or something?” I asked. They looked at me, the leader- a kid who’s hair was pushed over his eyes and held a skateboard with him at all times looked at me.
“Oh goodness, it’s a prep.” He said, “No, it’s totally not a Halloween party, Gah.” He blew to push his hair up to look at me.
“Then what is this place?”
“We’re the vamps, bro. The Vampires. We want to stop the PSATs.” He held up a bag puppet that resembled Dracula from the Marvel Comics, “I’m Count Bagula.”
I snorted. His frown got deeper as he pointed at a girl. She held up a finger puppet with blonde hair and a pink shirt. Meanwhile, this girl wore all black and had dyed red hair.
“That’s Betty. She has Buffy, you know, like Buffy the Vampire Slayer? But she’s an evil Buffy. Because we’re evil, y’know? Like, we’re totally evil. We dwell in the night and-”
“Just continue your introduction spiel, Bagula.”
“Oh-Oh okay. So this is James,” James made his hair spiky. He waved at me, and was the only one to smile. When he waved, he had a puppet coated in sparkles, “He has Edward Folden. Like Edward Cullen, of Twilight fame. He sparkles when sun is on him. Show him that trick, brah.”
James took out his phone, “Okay dude,” he turned on his flashlight and shined it on Edward Folden. He smiled at me as some light reflected off of him.
“Over there is Pickles-”
“My name is Marco,” the kid was shorter than everyone else. The group cracked up.
“Whatever you say, Pickles. Pickles didn’t get the memo that I was the only Dracula.”
“There are four people in here with four different versions of Dracula, dude.” Nonetheless, the kid held up his finger puppet, with long ears coming out of the side, “It’s Nosferatu.”
I replied by saying “Nosferatu!” like Spongebob in that one episode. The kid looked at me and frowned.
“I like you, kid. You reference some cool stuff. Do you shop at Hot Topic too?” Count Bagula said.
“Only for Pop figures.” I replied.
“Nice. Ought to shop for some earrings or something too. A Gravity Falls T-shirt or an emo Hello Kitty bag.”
“Those other three over there are the other Draculas. Count Pleatula, Pleat Dracula, and Count Draculaigami.” The kids held up different depictions: Gary Oldman, Bela Lugosi, and Christopher Lee.
“Nice. That’s neat.”
“I see you have a puppet, right?” He pointed at my chest pocket, which had Scissor Blade sticking out of it.
“Yeah, uh, it’s Blade from Marvel.”
Count Bagula frowned at me. James and Betty also frowned. “Did you come to stop our PSAT plans? We just want to take the test at a later date. Don’t disturb on our rights as students. Go!”
“No,” I said, standing tall, “I came to tell you that you can just miss that day and they’ll reschedule it.”
The music turned off. The Fog Machine cleared up. They all sat in silence.
“What?” Count Bagula asked as he walked to me. He parted his hair to look me in the eyes. He had red contacts in.
“Yeah. I thought you’d know that.”
“No. Well then. Guys, in two days, miss school!”
The room went a monotone “Yay.”
Count Bagula grabbed my hand and shook it, “I realize I never got to tell you who I am. I’m Louis.”
I smiled, “Pleasure to meet you, Louis.”
“Want to join in and listen to My Chemical Romance?”
I took a seat amongst the group of Vampires. I was the oldest one there, and it’s sad that I’ll have to leave after this year, but it felt good to find some friends.
But if I start looking goth, get rid of me.
I’m giving this to F.O.L.D. for safekeeping, hope it doesn’t get lost or anything. Peace!
Hey! Look who showed up!
I love how Caleb is the only one with an Earth-based hero in Wheeler, and everyone else have only…“SPACE-THEMED PUPPETS.”
Yeah, it’s funny haha
I felt there needed to be more wheeler heroes, though.
Funny. I have some friends who recently moved from Okinawa to Virginia
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