The Redoubtable Rage of Kylo-gami Pen
Can anyone explain who “Origami Yoda” is? I mean, I know he’s Yoda, and that he’s made of origami, but where the heck did he come from???
My friend Micah and I got to go on a class field trip to Washington DC and went to this awesome Air and Space Museum. Then, suddenly, the class lost track of Micah. Our chaperone found him, and about a day after we got home, he had this Origami Yoda puppet. It just appeared out of nowhere. Micah didn’t even fold it! So, I interrogated him. Here is the conversation I had with him yesterday:
Me (John): Micah, where did you get that origami Yoda from?
Micah: That’s CAPTAIN Micah to you, Johnny. And I got it from Dwight Tharp.
Me: Who is Dwight Tharp?
Micah: Have you always had that eyelash?
Me: AAARRRGGGHHH!!!!! Forget it!
And that’s how our conversation ended. As far as I know, Micah has never folded origami once in his life. So where did Origami Yoda come from? Whenever I ask, I get an answer much like the one above. As much as Micah gets on my nerves, he’s sometimes actually pretty funny. Like when he found a staple on the floor in the cafeteria and slipped it in Devon’s chair. Now THAT was awesome! But on some days he’s just weird. I’ll write a chapter about some of the weird things he’s done before.
Top 10 Weird Things About Micah By John
10) Ever since we got back from D.C. he’s been making people call him “Captain Micah”.
9) He barfs almost every other Friday because on Friday the cafeteria serves his favorite, meatball sliders, and he always buys (and finishes) at least fifteen.
8) He only plays games that are REALLY old. He’s still trying to finish Pitfall.
7) His favorite Star Wars character is Boss Nass, that weird guy who goes “Blablablablablabla!” while he spits about a gallon of saliva.
6) Micah once took a big swig from his water bottle during math class and tried to imitate Boss Nass.
5) When his math test got spoiled from the water he tried to eat the pulp.
4) He took his birthday money to science class, stood up on his desk, and threw big piles of it to every student in the room (Not that I’m really complaining, because I got ten dollars that day.)
3) His favorite TV show is some equestrian show called Heartland.
2) He can’t stop singing the theme song for it, and he only sings it in triple time!
1) Whenever he doesn’t like the topic of conversation, he changes the topic to body hair. Like, “Should I grow a mustache?”, or, “Is my eyebrow too thick?”, or “Have you always had that eyelash?”. The weirdest thing ever he’s done is bring home that Origami Yoda. Eventually, he even made us take advice from it. This next chapter is about some advice he gave to some girl in the sixth grade…
Origami Yoda and Devon
Before I begin, you should know that devon is a big, brawny 8th grader who is also a butt. This is the play-by-play of my morning:
8:45-8:47am: Started walking to math class.
8:47-8:48am: Devon walked up and stole my lunch money.
8:48-8:50am: Devon threatened to hurt me if I didn’t have anymore.
8:50-8:52am: Micah tried to stand up for me.
8:52am: Micah goes flying across the hall.
8:53-8:55am: Micah and I got sent to detention.
Okay, I’m stopping right there because you might not have noticed that Devon didn’t get in trouble. That’s the way things happen with him. He steals people’s money and gets them in trouble. Micah said this would happen again tomorrow. Actually origami Yoda said it. He said:
“Pocketed YOUR lunch money Devon did, yes?”
“Um, yeah, I think i’m gonna bring a bagged lunch tomorrow.”
“Bring a bagged lunch tomorrow do. But bring lunch money also.”
“Um okay, that seems unreasonable.”
“MUST! He will try to pocket money again tomorrow.”
So I bought a bagged lunch and Devon DID come to steal my money again. Only this time he got busted.
He got ISS for the rest of the day. Could this little paper yoda be some kind of fortune-teller?
Origami Yoda and The Spill
The most obnoxious thing happened to me over the past few days. It started two days ago, the day before class pictures were being taken, and I wanted to wear the cool new pair of shoes that my aunt gave me for my birthday. I was talking with Micah and a few of my other friends about what we were going to wear for pictures, and Micah pulled out this little Yoda puppet and shoved it in my face. Then he said, “Wear new shoes you should not! Ruined they will be!.”
Now, I didn’t want my new shoes to be all messed up, but I wasn’t sure if I should trust Origami Yoda’s judgment. He is, after all, made of paper. I thought about it for a while and decided not to risk it. So, the next day, I decided to wear my old Nikes for the pictures. Then, right after I got my picture taken, a trash can that was catching nasty water from the school’s leaky roof tipped over and spilled disgusting brown water all over my shoes. So Micah was right! I asked him how he knew, and he said he didn’t come up with that answer. He said YODA was the one who said it. Haha very funny, Micah! I wonder why Micah always acts so weird? Oh well. I’ll ask him again tomorrow.
Origami Yoda and The Unfortunate Accident
Anyone who reads this needs to know it was an accident, you see, I was going through my locker, when I found some paper:
RUSSEL, MEET ME BEHIND THE SCHOOL AFTER CLASS SO YOU CAN GIVE ME THE MONEY YOU OWE ME. FAIL TO SHOW UP AND YOU WILL BE PUNISHED! – DEVON
“Oh no!” Devon put this in my locker thinking it was Russel’s!
I ran over to Russel’s locker and tried to slip the note, but something stopped me.
When I jiggled to door to try and get it in, a diorama came flying out.
When I tried to put it back, I kind of twisted it.
I didn’t want anyone to think I had sabotaged his project!
Thankfully, I felt a voice near me. Yoda!?
ORIGAMI YODA: I sense much fear in you…
SIMON: Not this again! I know Micah wants us to ask Yoda questions and that he gives advice but-
ME: GREAT! I could use some advice right now!
ORIGAMI YODA: HRMM! What knowledge do you seek?
I told him what happened with the diorama.
ORIGAMI YODA: Apologise you must… And forgive you, he will. Or pay the money Russel owes Devon…
ME: WHAT?! I DON’T KNOW HOW MUCH MONEY RUSSEL OWES DEVON!
ORIGAMI YODA: $50…”
ME: But I don’t have that kind of money!
ORIGAMI YODA: Search your pockets, you know it to be true”
Inside my pocket was a 50 dollar bill. How did he know it was there?
SIMON: Oh please! Any idiot could have guessed this!
MICAH: And yet, you didn’t, Simon.
After that, Micah and Simon started shouting at each other, and I went to apologise to Russel. I got a black eye,and gave him my money, which now means I’m broke.
However, he forgave me, and we’re eating pizza tonight together.
He says he wouldn’t have forgiven me if I had been greedy with the money, so thanks, Yoda!
Arrrggghhh!!! I can’t stand Micah and his moronic paper Yoda! After getting that Yoda, he’s become obsessed with origami! He never wants to do anything fun anymore. Worse still, he won’t tell me how he knows the solutions for people’s problems. He always gets on my nerves and makes me miserable! In fact, I don’t think he even wants to be my friend anymore.
Could this Origami Yoda be a plan to get rid of me? You know what? I think I’m gonna try to make Micah, no, this WHOLE SCHOOL miserable! Tonight, I’m staying up EXTRA late…
I have done it! I finally figured out how to fold an origami Kylo Ren! Now let’s see who’s puppet can make people the most miserable…
Micah’s best friend Simon has done something sinister. He folded an origami Kylo Ren. Kylo-gami Ren. He hangs around Micah now, waiting for advice to be given. Once it is given, he tries to convince the other person to listen to the lies of Ren. If they don’t listen, he says: “I know what I have to do.” and beats the person up. Then he threatens to do it again harder if anyone finds out what he did. Recently, he got his friends, Katherine and Jake to be his cronies. Katherine has an origami Captain Phasma, Captain Foldsma, and Jake folded a kirigami General Hux, General Cuts. As a trio, they go around gathering followers, trying to get people in trouble, and most importantly, trying to get Micah suspended. Yesterday, Simon threw himself onto the floor, started twisting his body around and told Principal Matthews that Micah punched him.
“This is the kind of behavior I’d suspect from you Micah,” said Principal Matthews sternly.
Then Simon said, “Micah also told me that Origami Yoda instructed him to do it!”
“That’s it! This is the last straw.” Principal Matthews bellowed. “You get in enough trouble already without punching a fellow, but honestly, trying to blame it on a paper doll???!!! You sir, are getting a two week suspension.”
And then I said, “But that’s not fair! Micah didn’t do anything. Simon isn’t even hurt!”
“That’s quite enough! I’ve heard all I need to hear. Micah has been suspended and that’s that. And you, John. I expected better from you. Lying to protect a bully, that’s detention for two weeks young man.”
So here I am. Sitting in detention. Yesterday I witnessed The redoubtable rage of Kylo-Gami Ren. Simon has been consumed by the dark side. Micah is at home, grounded for fighting. And I’m currently trying to hide my writing in this notebook from Principal Matthews. I want to find a way to get Micah out of trouble and get Simon the punishment he deserves. This is a dark time.
Hate Leads To Suffering
It is the end of the two weeks. I am out of detention, but Micah has still not come back. It turns out this is because Principal Matthews asked Simon a few questions about what happened. Simon made up this whole story about how he accidently wrote on the back of Micah’s math homework, making Micah SUPER mad. He said Micah threatened to make sure he would be in the hospital the next night. The principal decided to extend Micah’s suspension two more weeks. Micah’s parents got super mad and grounded him again. I wasn’t sure what to do. And then, out of nowhere, I decided to confront Simon on the playground after school. I reminded him what a good friend he was to Micah, and how much they loved to hang out together. Simon got all worked up about how Micah was trying to ditch him and what an awful friend Micah had been to him. I said that was a lie. A lie that the dark side created. He swung a punch at me. I dodged and tackled him. I pinned him to the ground and then, something supernatural happened. I heard Origami Yoda’s voice IN MY HEAD!
“Search your feelings. Still some good left in this one there is…”
I said, “You know you’re not evil.”
“Yes.” Simon whispered. Then he said he missed being friends with Micah, and he felt bad about what he did, but he wanted Micah to feel the same pain as him.
I told him he needed to turn himself in.
“I know what I have to do but I don’t know if I have the strength to do it.”
He threw me off of him and started punching me. I saw my chance and grabbed Kylo-gami Penfrom Simon’s pocket and decapitated the little puppet. Simon suddenly stopped. He looked shocked. He stared at the two halves of Kylo-gami Ren.
“What have I done?” he cried.
What Happened Next
Micah came back to school the next day. His parents were FURIOUS with the principal and threatened to sue the school. Meanwhile, Simon turned himself in, and got detention for the rest of the school year. Simon told me this though: the second the school year is over, he’s going to make things right. He also got the idea to fold a Ben Solo, Ben Foldo puppet to replace the evil Kylo-gami Ren. Micah and Origami Yoda are back to giving people advice. I don’t know how anyone could forgive their enemy so fast, but I do know one thing:
Over The Story Is NOT…
Originally the Kylo Ren on the cover was going to be the SS Kylo Ren (That’s the one on my gravatar’s finger) but I honestly like this one better. Whoever made it: Good job!
It is the one Tom made! (I think)
Well, yeah. But I meant who made the cover. It was Hades.