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A Tragedy By OrigamiLuke100
By SF Hades
In this story, someone likes men.
I, too, like men. In fact, I’m currently in a relationship with one. It’s very sweet, a lot of boundaries are respected. I’m not sharing this to gush, no, no, no, I have a point here.
Last night, I texted him: “Hey! I’m getting tired, good night, I love you.”
And he responds: “Goodnight, I love you too Hades <33”
He calls me Hades. He calls me Hades.
The worst part is, dear reader, I did not go to bed. I skipped quality time over text, I skipped a moment with someone I love, for what? To cheat? Perhaps, I simply could not sleep?
No, no, no, dear reader. It was this story.
This story, though I did not read it, it was written by Peyton, Peyton reading little snippets to me over a discord call.
Two hours, Peyton spent. Just two? You ask. Those were two hours out of both of our lives. Two hours that could’ve been spent living life. Peyton’s in college, if he’s staying up until midnight it should be for parties and illegal substances. And women. What can I say? He’s a good looking man.
And me, I’m still in school. I should be discovering myself, I should be trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. But instead, the two of us sad little creatures sit curled up across the country, working on OriMario.
Two hours of our lives, on call. On OriMario.
Though I write the sequel, I do not care for this story. I do not care for Joe Martinet. I do not care for Joe- or Joe. Or Joe. I do not care for this site, or the users. I want to get my stories written– and I want to write them well.
And then I want to leave.
I have ACTs, a food drive, and a concert next week. I have a life to live. And this story made me realize that.
Joe is a sad young man, a man with aspirations to unclog toilets. A young man who is beaten up, whose girlfriend mistakes him for his twin brother.
He does not have a life outside of his puppet. He does not have a life, period. Joe Martinet makes me sad.
This story makes me want to cry tears of joy. It makes me want to grab the people in my life and tell them how much I love them, it makes me want to spend every moment of this miracle we call life living it to the fullest.
Because OriMario is a reminder that even though this site, these stories mean nothing. Affect no one.
There are real lives behind them.
And I pray, dear reader, that this story will change your life as it has changed mine.
By Joe Martinet
It’s a-me, OriMario!
At least, that’s who I am now…
That’s right, for the first twelve years of my life, I was just Joe Martinet, a student who was nothing special. Yeah, I had my brother… also named Joe (My name is short for “Joe”, his is short for “Jonesy”). Sort of like how Mario’s full name is Mario Mario, and his brother’s full name is Luigi Mario. We are INSEPARABLE, though I hate it. Any Wii U game we get, it has to be two players. He always picks Luigi, I think because he likes the joy of being the taller one (that’s right! I’m tall! I’m based!)
So anyways, one day I was at home, playing outside with my brother. Joe was bored, throwing a tennis ball in the air, only to let it fall on his face, while I texted a girl on my iPod. Her name’s Audrey, and she lives in the richest part of the neighborhood. I could imagine seeing myself with her, because she loves talking about the things I like, such as fart jokes, and Despicable Me.
All was well and good until the Rapids Middle School bus drove by, and I could see a kerfuffle happening in the back of the bus. This kid, pale with blonde hair, was being bullied by this bulky guy, and then out from the bus window flew many different puppets, going everywhere! It was crazy.
I quickly ran over with Joe, and we looked through all the puppets. The Mega Man puppet, blue and with a stupid smile was torn in half, and unrepairable. There were Final Fantasy puppets, but my neighbors (these weirdos who I don’t really like) all ran over and grabbed them. All that was left was the Mario puppet.
On the back was his name… Foldio.
Nope! I hate that name. I didn’t even give Joe the option of taking my Mario from me. I declare myself not Foldio, but OriMario! A much better pun, superior in every way!
I knew, from that moment forward… I was going to be the most popular kid in school.
Five Months Later
By Joe (Jonesy) Martinet
My brother is a manic idiot.
So, there was this whole thing with this “Subcrease army” that existed. We didn’t join in the little origami rebellion, because 1.) I don’t have a puppet, and 2.) Joe wants to be so popular that he was too worried to get his face beat in by a Subcrease bully. Plus, he thought this would get him attention, but it hasn’t. He hasn’t faced a Bowser, he hasn’t even kicked a Goomba, heck, he keeps texting this one girl in our seventh grade class about Despicable Me, and when he reads me the texts I can tell she’s not interested in him.
In fact… I think she’s interested in me.
Like, I literally think that she believes that she is talking to Jonesy “Joe” Martinet, and not Joe Martinet. Every message seems to say this, like, “Oh, Jonesy, you crack me up!” Five months, and Joe thinks that this girl has just started calling him Jonesy as a nickname.
Today, it seems, something finally happened.
I was walking with Joe, and he was explaining to me how awesome OriMario was.
“He’s so awesome, he’s so freaking rad. I mean, look at him.” The puppet had chocolate syrup, cookie crumbs, cheese dust, and looked like ebola.
“He looks bad, dude.”
“Yeah… He’s so bad…”
I then looked up to see a scrawny kid, jumping like a maniac.
“That’s Bowsergami Junior!” Joe announced. I looked at him, confused, “Dude, that’s just a kindergartener.”
He sighed, “I guess you’re right. I just… I want my shot, you know? We didn’t enlist in the—”
I cut him off before he could say the stupid thing that was going to come out of his mouth, “That wasn’t a war.”
“We didn’t enlist in the war.” He said anyways, “We didn’t get to fight our arch-nemesis…”
“Who was the bad guy again?”
“I think it was Undertale…”
The little fiend ran past us. I looked at my brother, who was green with envy.
“Joe, why do you want this so bad? It’s just a puppet.” I said, “Like, I could have one too, and then maybe we could face an enemy—”
“No, no, no! I’m Super OriMario, you can come with Luigigami in the sequel.”
“I… I don’t know what you’re saying.” He then jumped around to me.
“Like, all of these stories are posted, they’re known. It’s logical that I’m the main player of this one, and then the next one, just like the games, you’ll come in with your puppet.”
I sighed. This school has so many different video game clubs and activities, all with these puppets. I had no clue why he had to be this picky.
This kid showed up. No, it wasn’t Audrey (we, oddly enough, have not seen her in the halls, or share any classes with her), it was this… scrawny, blue haired, buck-tooth, kid. He just stood in the middle of the hall and refused to move.
“That’s the OriMario brothers!” He yelled. I was shocked, we were somehow known by this one kid, and then five or six other kids all turned around, holding goombas and koopa paper wads on their fingers.
“Actually, I’m OriMario, and this is my brother.” Joe said.
The blue haired kid was confused, “That… still makes both of you the OriMario brothers, right?”
“He doesn’t have a puppet.”
“So, you’re just OriMario and that’s… Joe.”
“I’m Joe, he’s Joe.” Joe said. I have no clue why he said my name with such disdain.
“Alright, one against six is better than two against six. Sick em, boys!” The blue haired kid exclaimed. He held high in the sky a puppet of Bowser… Junior?
Immediately, Bowser Junior’s henchmen tackled Joe. Joe tried fighting, but then he started to get scared, yelling at me for help.
“Joe, help me! There’s too many of them!”
“I’m sorry man, it feels kind of… wrong, to not have a puppet and fight these kids, y’know?”
“Well, like… like you said, I’ll just appear in the sequel.”
That was the last thing I heard from Joe as I walked away from him.
My Text Convo with Audrey
By Joe “OriMario” Martinet
I tried texting Audrey. I didn’t get any response. I like how she calls me Jonesy, it reminds me of my brother, because I know I’m better than him, and I deserve his old name.
I don’t know why, but it hurt my feelings that Joe just… left me like that. It really rustled my feathers, and it felt very unfair and mean.
I know that this blue haired, buck-toothed kid has Bowser Junior, and that his friends all had Goombas and Koopas, but I don’t know why they chose to attack me now. They should’ve done this five months ago! I think tomorrow, I’m going to try and beat them up.
By Joe “Jonesy” Martinet
I went to school way earlier than Joe, because I did not want to see him get his butt beat again. I walked into the school building in the earlier hours of the day, and I saw that blue-haired kid again. I walked up to him and confronted him.
“Hey, man.” I said, “I don’t… I don’t really like how you beat my brother up.”
“Well, he kind of had it coming.” He said, “We hear it everyday in the hall. ‘I want an enemy, I want an opponent, I want to save a princess, I want to repair toilets.’ Like… we roleplay, yeah. I’m in theater, we like playing characters, but come on… this is Jared Leto levels of method acting.”
I stared at him, just in awe, “So, why are you Bowser Junior, then?”
“Because he’s pathetic! A baby is beating him.” Origami Bowser Junior announced.
“What’s… what’s your name, man?” I asked.
“Joe. Short for Joseph.”
“…What the &$*@.”
“Yeah, it’s kind of funny, right? You’re Joe, he’s Joe, I’m Joe. I mean, how many other people at this school are named Joe?! Oh, that’s right…” His goons all came out, now with puppets of Bullet Bills, Koopas, Goombas, and even Shy Guys, “We were the Joe squadron of the Subcrease army… We. Are. Joe.”
“You can join us, Joe. The superior Joe. You could be my right hand man… I could become Bowser, You can be Bowser Junior. Think about it! You and me, and the rest of the Joes, leading the charge. It would be awesome. Joes all around! Joes, drinking cups of joe. Me, Joe, getting to meet Joe Mama.”
“I think I’m going to vomit.”
“Think about it! We’ll talk later… After we beat your brother up some more…”
They all marched off in their little Joe formation, Blue-haired, Origami Bowser Junior Joe at the lead. This made me sick to my stomach. All of the Joes, all at war.
And I had to pick a side.
And Then They Started Punching and Kicking
By Joe “OriMario” Martinet
I entered the school a lot later than my brother did, because he went in at four AM, for some stupid reason. I think he’s stupid, and he shouldn’t have a puppet at all.
As I walked through the halls, I felt really scared. I didn’t want to be assaulted.
“Hey, Doug.” I said to a kid passing by. Doug, the Origami Mega Man, nodded at me. I don’t think he even knows who I am. No one really knows Doug, anyways. He hasn’t gotten to use that puppet either, and I hoped we could be friends, but he wants nothing to do with me.
I continued walking, on edge of whoever might be around the corner. And then…
They tackled me again. All of the goons and Bowser Junior were assaulting me, beating me up. I started to scream and cry, but no one could hear me. I was alone.
“Stop!” I heard a voice exclaim. I perked up, hearing my brother’s familiar voice. They continued to wail on me, though.
“I… Said… Stop!” He yelled again, and I saw a brief glimpse of green as he broke the fight up. “Joe, you need to stop this, now.”
We all looked at him, confused.
“Which… Joe are you referring to?” The blue haired kid asked, “Me? Your brother? That guy…” there was a kid next to me picking his nose, he then rubbed some on the Koopa puppet his neighbor wielded. I shuddered.
“… All of you!” He said. Joe, my brother, raised a Luigi puppet in the air. I was so freaking mad, “This fighting and stuff must stop. I mean, crap… we don’t need to be villains, we don’t need to be heroes right now, we can just be students! I have until you all gave me no choice.”
I sighed, and I stood up. I didn’t acknowledge this treaty, but Joe – er, the Bowser Junior kid did. Then the Koopas, and Goombas, and Bullet Bills. I sighed, and then I shook my brother’s hand.
Now… I’m villainless.
Then… she walked up, Audrey Josephine entered the room, holding a Princess Peach puppet. Her beautiful blonde locks swayed, and as I opened my arms for her, she wrapped my brother in a hug.
I was stunned.
“Jonesy, I’m so proud of you!”
Joe stared at her, confused.
“You are the best OriMario EVER!” She exclaimed.
“I… I think you have the wrong person.” Joe said, “I… I don’t even like girls.”
Embarrassed, she then looked at me, and saw the puppet on my finger. He needed some work, but he was Super Mario.
She sighed. Joe claimed it was a sigh of disappointment, but… “Hey, Joe. You’re the best OriMario, Ever…” She then leaned over and hugged me, and I smiled.
I learned nothing, except my brother has a Luigi puppet now, and this Joe Bowser Junior kid isn’t even bad anymore, and I got a girlfriend who likes me… A lot! Okay? She loves me, and likes me, A LOT.
Click here to read “Pac-Fold: Return of the Darned”
Hades… That foreword… was incredible.
Hades I will compete with you for most fruitiest man on server
i am a member of the trans community
sorry I didnt know but that still makes me fruitiest man! (bi)
you’re not wrong, donatello