Chapter 1: Hello
by Spider LabelMaker
Hello. My name is Jeromè. My parents come from France, but I was raised in Lucas County. I speak like an American, I act like an American, and eat like an American. But I am anything but alike.
Ever since one of those cheesy little posters told me to make our school a bully-free-zone, I wanted to, but today I got my chance. The Origami Rebel Alliance had won their 1st victory against Jacob Minch, sending him into hiding and defeating Papertine. I was there. A kid named Dwight had been mind-controlled during the madness, but broke free. He came and the famous origami fortune teller, Origami Yoda said: “A strength you have, not the force, but a…..strong desire……for a good cause, hrmmmmm?”
I said “Hey! How’dya know?”
“Jeromè Quantité, you want justice for the weak yes, yes?”
I gaped. “I……I…..uhmmmmm….”
Yoda said “Your intuition, trust,” in a mystic way. “you have been hesitating, hrm?”
After that, Dwight handed me a piece of paper, neon red on 1 side, neon blue on the other, and said “Yoda said for me to give these to you.” He put a Stick-e-Note on it that said: future spider labelmaker, in horrible writing.
But I understood, and folded my puppet. Then I put on a long hoodie with the spider symbol on it. I put the hood on and put on a cheap Spider-man mask. In my pocket was silly string to be webs.
The next Tuesday was windy. I walked to school, the long tails of the hoodie billowing in the wind. I was ready.
Chapter 2: Zack Strikes Back
By Jerome aka Spider-Labelmaker
When I got there, everyone looked at me. “Spider-man?” a kid whispered to another. Surprisingly, the teachers treated me like any other kid.
Halfway to class, I saw Zack and a platoon of other kids slathering posters of a kid with mean stuff written on them. “Har har har,” they laughed dimwittedly.
When I saw them, I said “Hey, you old smoothies.”
They whirled around to see me. “Waddayou want spider kid?” said Zack.
“I want you to get the crud outta here.” I said firmly. They attempted to retaliate, but I sprayed them with pink silly string. “Rosé,” I said in fluent French, “It’s quite a beautiful color isn’t it?” I pulled out Spidey. “It’ll also remind you not to mess with anyone. Take the posters down.”
They scrambled. Maybe they were scared I was gonna report them to an authority. Or they were wimps about pink. They threw the posters in the lunchroom trash compactor, and ran with their tails between their legs. I took out a small notepad and wrote with a pocket label maker: first catch of the day: finished, signed, your friendly origami making Spider-Labelmaker.
Chapter 3: The Post-Failure Movie Scene Type Chapter
by The Narrator (Me)
Zack ran out of the school with important news, zipping so fast he couldn’t even feel the wind. Why is he running so fast? No, I’ll spoil the effect if I tell you. His legs became a denim blur as he raced to deliver them to HIM. Who’s him? Still can’t spoil it. Sorry.
Zack thought feverishly, “HE’S gonna kill me if I’m late!” At last Zack rounded E. Vil. Jawa memorial street and jumped into the sewer.
“BOSS! BUBUBUBUBUBUBOSS!” Zack ejaculated. (Note from author: Ejaculated is just a fancy word for shouted.)
Someone in a hoodie was there. He said, “What do you want?” in a distorted voice.
“We have a problem…”, and Zack told him about what happened: the strange kid, the Rosé silly string, and the posters. Everything. “Could, uhm, the General deal with him?”
“No he’s not ready yet.” The person gave Zack a green piece of paper. “Deal with him yourself.”
Chapter 4: Lizard
Friday. Last school day of the week. I exhaled as I walked down the street. When I got to school, everyone treated me normally. See, after Tuesday, I became a school wide celebrity of sorts. Kids loved me. Bullies feared me. Teachers? They just didn’t notice. Why?
Anyways, at recess, I was on top of the swingset, sitting in a very spider-man pose. A kid came up behind me.
“Uh, Spidey? Zack wants to see you real bad.”
“Allons-y,” I said in French. “Does he have the gut?”
I jumped down. When I found him, he had something…..it looked like a puppet, but I wasn’t sure…..
“Hey. Spidey-Boy!” Zack yelled, neck deep in skullduggery, “You showed up!”
“I’m surprised you thought up this stunt yourself,” I said, “That’s the first brainwave you had, monsieur.”
Then I silly-stringed the….whatever it was….off his finger. Then he squared up to punch me. WAM! his brain said imaginatively…as I kicked him to the ground. (Note: always go for the pressure point….if you know what I mean.) The bell rang.
“You’re lucky,” I said, then swept out of the schoolyard. But it was long over.
Chapter 5: OHNOOHNOOHNO!!!!
AY-AY-AY People! Someone is trying to expose me! The question is who….
So, I asked Origami Yoda, and he said “A big problem for you this is, but not as big as Jacob and Papertine,” Yoda said, “Handle this you should.”
“But Yoda, you don’t understand! If the whole school realizes…”
I pulled out Spidey, “I’ll end up like Uncle Ben!” he whimpered.
“I wouldn’t say that,” I explained, “But that covers it.”
“How it happened was Zack and Pizza (Note: He’s a bully. We nicknamed him after Pizza the Hutt from Spaceballs, the Star Wars parody movie. It’s hilarious!) joined the school newspaper and yearbook committee.” I stated, “Zack hates me for buttkicking him TWICE now, and Pizza was one of the morons I sprayed with this,” I raised a can of silly string. The same Rosé can I sprayed Zack with.
Everyone stared at me. Allons-y! I wasn’t wearing my suit! I put it away before they could actually see it.
“Hmm,” Yoda said, “freedom of press, a powerful ally it is…but act normal you must.”
I was confused beyond confusion. “What? You want me to do some sort of crazy interview and act NORMAL?”
“No, resist interview, you can, but show fear, do not. Not the Jedi way it is.”
I cut him off “Well, I’m no Jedi-”
This time he cut ME off: “The force, flow-”
“Yeah yeah yeah, flows through all living things it does. So and so. I’m. Not. A JEDI!!!”
“Spoken, I have,” And Dwight laid down in the computer lab.
“Dwight, you stupi-” I began, but Dwight said “Purple,” and jumped up, did a TRIPLE BACKFLIP, and ran off backwards.
I stared, shook my head, and went over to Mrs Calhoun and said, “Does he…?”
“It’s normal. You’ll get used to it.” she said calmly.
Chapter 7: The Interview
By The school newspaper
INTERVIEW WITH MASKED VIGILANTE, SPIDER-LABELMAKER
Zack: Hello Spider-Labelmaker. Please have a seat.
SUBJECT SITS DOWN.
SLM: Yeah. sure.
Zack: It was kind of you to decide to do an interview with us.
SLM: *chuckles* Heh. You too.
SUBJECT SEEMS NERVOUS. TWIDDLES THUMBS.
Zack: So you make origami?
Zack: Is the spider-man puppet your first piece?
SUBJECT PUTS A PUPPET OF SUPERHERO ON HIS FINGER.
SLM: Well, yeah.
SUBJECT BACKS OFF SLIGHTLY.
Zack: What inspired you to become a crime fighter?
SLM: A poster.
SUBJECT RETREATS SLIGHTLY MORE.
Zack: Who are you, exactly?
SUBJECT LOOKS AT NONEXISTENT WATCH.
SLM: Ooh, ooh! 2:45! Time to go home! Au Revoir!
SUBJECT SPRINTS AWAY.
Zack: It’s only 12:00!
EDITOR’S NOTE: THE INTERVIEW IS A FRAUD!
Chapter 8: After the Extremely Awkward Interview
So, as you can probably see, Zack was acting normal. A little scary at first, but I realized he was trying to cover up the recess incident. He was after me now, totally forgetting the interview. I ran and ran and ran…but then a wet floor sign moved on its own and slapped Zack in the face! It was Origami Yoda, using the force!
Yoda screamed, “GO YOU MUST!”
Dwight said, “We’ll buy you some time! Now go, GO!”
I hid in the bathroom. After a while, I looked outside. A bunch of squirrels ran towards Zack! Dwight commanded his army, “Go, my minions! ATTTACK! HAHAHAHAHAHA!”
When I came back to Dwight, OY wasn’t happy. “Begun, the squirrel war, has.”
“I-I don’t believe it!” I said.
“That,” Yoda said, “Is why you fail.”
Chapter 9: The Finale
I had been working on a new invention that night.
“Ah, Finis!” I said in French as I slipped them on.
The next day was hopeful. At recess I went back on top of the swingset, as before. The same random kid came up and said, “Uh…”
“I know, avéc.” I said in French.
Zack was there, sure as heck.
“How many times do I have to fix you?” I said.
Zack had the same puppet-thing. “It seems I haven’t told you who this is,” Zack said, “It’s Label-Lizard.” It was shiny green, with yellow eyes.
Then Zack yelled, “OW!” I was confused at first. Then there was a squirrel that bit him right in the butt! Dwight threw more squirrels at him.
I said “Oh, I see!” and started spraying him with Rosé silly string in my new web shooters. After me and Dwight beat him to a pulp, I saw the same random kid who talked to me at the swings. He put a post-it note on a wall. I couldn’t see it great. But I caught a glimpse at the bottom: “General Creaseous”
The bell rang. Time to go home.
Did you find it yet Jawa?
P.S. That orgin story of yours on btf is cool!
There is actually a plaque on the memorial that says: The cloaked Figure once ruled Tatooine after Skywalker ran him out
I saw your post on origami Yoda.com! it got posted today!
yeah! I’m thinking about making a Dr. glue story
tell mr Angleberger that I’m on eu, plz!
Ok! I will.
Okay guys…It’s time for…
GUESS THAT VILLAIN!!!
*game show music begins*
Who is the “Random kid?”
Yikes. This page is basically in a comment drought.
i mean the story’s a year old