Episode XXV: Origami Yoda’s Secret War
ORIGAMI YODA’S SECRET WAR
By The OYEU Council
Origami Yoda and the Mail-Lennium Falcon
“Alone you will not be. Not now. Caroline you will have. And Tommy and Kellen and Sara and the others. Harvey, too.”
“But what about them? They need you too!”
“Hrmm….Yes. Impatient, reckless they are. A Force Ghost Yoda you must fold them tomorrow. A little more help they need. After that…the Force will be with them.”
And then he walked over to the Mail-lennium Falcon.
“And the Force will be with you, Dwight. Always.”
Then he climbed into the Mail-lennium Falcon and it flew out the window.
I closed the window and went to bed.
What Happened Next
By the Force
The Mail-lennium flew very well for the first thirty-or-so feet. It reached a cruising altitude of about twenty feet off the ground and it was headed straight for the house of Captain Micah.
On the thirty-first foot, however, the envelope plummeted to the grass lawn below.
It’s tiny passenger, a green and tan piece of paper folded to emulate the Jedi Master Yoda, shuffled out of the envelope onto the grass.
“Worse landing I have not had since Toydaria,” Origami Yoda chuckled to himself, inspecting the damage to his vessel. It was not damaged, aside from some crumples around the corners. Origami Yoda could find nothing wrong. “Wonder what caused this, I do,” he said to himself.
Suddenly, something caused the small finger puppet to stumble. A wave of pain, caused by things that were, things that are, and things that could be. A disturbance in the Force. An unusually strong disturbance, at that.
Sensing this disturbance, and possible danger to come, Origami Yoda quickly climbed into the fallen envelope. It would not give much protection, but any little bit mattered. He was only made of paper, after all.
He suddenly wished Dwight were with him. He hadn’t considered any of his own feelings since making the decision to help Captain Micah, but now that he was alone, adapting to this new, unusual change in the Force, his emotions suddenly bombarded him.
Dwight had been his best friend for a long time. Being by himself on this long journey was suddenly a terrifying prospect.
“May the Force be with me,” he mumbled.
Down the Rabbit Hole
By the Force
As soon as Origami Yoda was safely tucked into the Falcon, the envelope rose off the ground, sparking blue energy.
“Signed up for this I did not!” a tiny voice screeched.
Unbeknownst to Origami Yoda, the disturbance in the Force did more damage than a discomfort in the puppet’s mind. Outside, swirling uncontrollably on the pristine lawn, was a blue, circular portal. It was pulling the Mail-lennium Falcon into its center, sucking in more and more energy by the second.
The poor envelope bounced up and down, jolted left and right, and was having an awful time. It didn’t know whether it should obey the telepathic pull of it’s passenger or if it should give in to the portal below.
Origami Yoda knew nothing of what was going on outside. “Terrible turbulence, this is,” he mumbled.
Outside the portal grew bigger and bigger, the force of its pull stronger and stronger. The Mail-lennium Falcon simply couldn’t hold back any more. With one final desperate jolt, it dropped like a rock into the swirling portal, with no idea as to where it was going. As soon as the envelope disappeared, the portal on the lawn gave one final ‘burp’ and disappeared, leaving the rustling leaves and howling wind of the world behind.
Voices From Beyond
By Origami Yoda
From the dark abyss, voices I heard. Whispers of the shadows.
“Dwight was right…he was right…there was some good left in me…”
“Everybody do the Twist!”
“For brothers to be united, a sacrifice it will take, but in the end, prevail, love will…”
“They’re a radical group, and they want retribution for both schools. They’re everywhere…”
“Squirrels, save me!”
“It was a pleasure working with you, OriKanan Jarrus…”
“You kids were holding me back from being the coolest kid in all seventh grade…”
“I was mad because you and Sara- I’ve always…you know…”
“The big question… Is Origami Yoda real?”
Opened my eyes, I did. The world around me flowed with the Force. Great arches rose from nowhere, leading nowhere. Began to appear, more portals did. Gateways from one time and place to another. A cold surge of energy around me, there was.
“Strong is the Dark Side, here.” I said.
“And also the Light, Origami Yoda.” said a new voice.
Around, I turned. “Qui-Gami? Here, you are?”
“No, Yoda…” Emerged from the shadows, a robed man did. His hood, he pulled down. “You may not remember me, but you’ll at least recognize me.”
Inexplicably, knew him I did. As if from a past life…or a life yet to be. “Tony D. Struction,” I said. “Alive, you are?”
“That is what you will know me as. And in a sense, yes,” said Tony. “And also no. Come with me. We have much to talk about…”
Motioned me to follow him, Tony did. Blackness all around me swirled, seemingly there to snuff out all life. But the gateways, shown they did. Swirled with bright, white light, they did, each gateway echoing different phrases from my past, my present, and my future. To these final ones I tried not to listen. Turned to Tony, I did.
“Happened, what has?” I asked. “A disturbance in the Force, I have felt. A strong disturbance. Then taken here, I was. With you. Where is this? Why here, are you? Explanation I require, yes?”
Grim-faced, Tony looked. “Have you ever seen Star Wars Rebels, Origami Yoda?”
“Only the episode with me in it, I have seen.”
“Okay then, this will be a lot harder.” Tony shook his head. “This place is weird. These gateways, if you look hard enough…they can lead to any time or place you need to be. Not want to be; need to be. The Force decides that for you. It’s taught me that much, at least.”
Thoughtful I sat for a long time. An interesting place it was. A world between worlds, call it you could. Wondered I did if visited this place, the real Yoda ever did. Looked back at Tony, I did.
“A long time it has been, hmmm?” I asked.
“Yes, I suppose so,” he replied. “I mean, I think it has. Has it? To be honest, my sense of time and reality is all screwed up. ”
“Get here, how did you?”
“It’s a bit of a long story…”
“In this place, plenty of time we have, yes?”
Smiled a little, he did. “Indeed. Well, let’s see…”
Cross-legged he sat, and began telling me his fantastic tale of adventure and tragedy he did. “Let me ask you a question, Yoda. Do you remember when I first appeared at McQuarrie?”
Nodded, I did, once again knowing knowledge that I should not have known. Confusing me, this place was. “The first of many bounty hunters, you were. The first harbinger, you were, of an approaching storm.”
Sighed, he did. “You’re quite right. That was me. The instigator. I think all those other kids got the idea that if some twerp like me could mess with the McQuarrie Gang, just about anyone could. The worst part is that I remember every single one of their names; Jack, Ruth, Gabe, Chuck, Lawrence, Ricardo, the Minches, Vernon, and Vanessa, to name a few. I remember their backgrounds, their personal problems, their fears, and their fates.”
“Recall so much, how are you able to?” I asked him, ever-curious.
“You know, I never thought I’d get so many questions from the guy who had all the answers.”
Smiled cheekily, I did. “Strange, life is, hmmm?”
Suddenly, a massive Dark Side wave into my mind slammed. Doubled over, I did, though doubled over by folding in half I did.
Unfolded me, Tony did. “I felt it too,” Tony said.
“The Force, you can use?” I asked.
“Once you’re here for a long time, the Force tends to have an affect on you.”
Nodded I did. A loud sound coming from a nearby portal, I heard. A loud, painful sound. The Dark Side energy, coming from there it was. Powerful, It was. Noticed it too, Tony did.
“We have to go through there.”
“Why?” I asked.
“We have to see what is going on and fix it. I’ll explain on the way. Hop into the Mail-lennium Falcon. It’s a bumpy ride.” Tony stood up and ran off.
Turned to follow him I did, but stopped I was. A voice I heard. My name it was calling. It was a voice I knew, but put my paper finger on it I could not. Made me stop, it did.
“Origami Yoda…” the voice said.
“Is it, who?” I asked.
“Origami Yoda,” repeated, the voice did.
“Yoda! OY-Boy!” Tony shouted, right by the portal. “Come on!”
Shook my head, I did. Have to wait, the voice would. Stood up I did, hopped into my envelope, and using the Force, followed the path of D. Struction.
One Bad Day
I grabbed the firecracker, and ran to the top of the school as fast as I could go! (Peter was behind me)
I looked down from the rooftop of the school and saw Elijah with Origami Saruman fighting the Fellowship and their Origami Characters.
“What are you thinking?” a tiny voice spoke in my head, “It’s just paper! This doesn’t need to cause death!!” I wish I could’ve listened to it, but I had already made my choice when I lit McQuarrie Middle School on fire three months ago.
I dropped it.
I waited for a “ka-boom!’ or something, when I opened my eyes and saw Peter holding the Ring; about to throw it into the wet cement in the school’s construction yard. (It looked kinda like a volcano.) If he threw it in there, the firecracker would short out, and Elijah and I would fail!
I was angry; SO angry, that I charged Peter, and tried to ram him off the roof, into the fire!
He sidestepped me. The last thing I saw was the burning fire, red and yellow and- manila?
A small, rectangular thing slammed me in the face just as the firecracker popped. I was thrown from the rooftop, blown backwards by the explosion, and fell face-first into a bush. I had no idea why I was still alive.
I looked up to what had slapped me, and found a small envelope on the ground. A kid with blonde hair was lying next to it, groaning.
“Ugh, universe jumping never gets any better…” the blonde kid groaned. The envelope rustled and popped open. A little green head stuck out of it.
“Jacob Minch, you are, hmm?” the green head said.
“What are you doing here, Origami Yoda?” I asked, weakly.
“Trying to destroy me, why are you not?” Origami Yoda asked.
I chuckled. “I just tried to blow up a school. But don’t worry, you’re still the highest on my to-destroy list.”
“I forgot how sociopathical the old Jacob was,” the blonde kid muttered. “It was a fluke accident, knocking him out of the sky. we should leave.”
“Jacob Minch.” Origami Yoda said, deep in thought. “Know you, I do not…but I feel as if I do. Pure evil psychopath, you are?”
“It depends…” I smirked wickedly. It’s one of my skills. “Are you still a puppet on Dwight’s strings?”
Origami Yoda furrowed his brow, making it wrinklier than it already was. “My own path, I will follow. Say the same for you, I cannot. Always to the horizon, to greater evils, to darker matters do you look.”
“Well, it seems to be paying off.” I said. Whoever this puppet was, he didn’t seem to recognize me. Strange. I didn’t know who the blonde kid sitting next to him was. I didn’t have time to find out; even if Peter and the Fellowship were complete idiots, they’d look for me sooner or later. I needed to go. I reached into my pocket. I pulled out a few small, round candies that I’d been using as my secret weapon all along.
“The Wishing Skittles?!” the blonde guy yelped. “Not AGAIN!”
“Oh, so you know what these are?” I sneered. “I’ve been using them since day one. How else do you think I survived that explosion? These crazy fires and life-threatening situations?? I wished to escape.”
“I don’t miss this world,” I heard the blonde kid tell Origami Yoda. World? What did he mean by…world?”
I decided to continue talking. Draw out some answers. “Some kid with a mustache gave me these so I would agree to his mind-control. So far, I like his style.”
“Do I even want to ask why Casper, why Fako freaking Mustacho wanted to mind control you?” the blonde kid facepalmed.
“How you know the name of the great Fako Mustacho? He’s notoriously…secretive.”
His eyes grew big, as if he’d told something that should have been secret. “No reason.”
“Hmm. You’re not from around here, are you, Blondie?”
“I don’t know what you mean.”
“Stand your ground you must, Tony!” Origami Yoda ordered. “I do not know him as I should, but the radiates off him, the Dark Side does.”
“As it should.” I smiled. “Take a look around, kid! I don’t quite know what you mean by world, but I know the Force is real and gives access to many opportunities. But obviously, where you’re from, you didn’t have me. A shame. Everything must be so tame compared to here. Fako’s been using me to turn this world into a wild wasteland! And I even get these Wishing Skittles for free! In fact…”
I popped a few Skittles into my mouth and chewed. I thought about my wish.
“Wait, no!” Tony yelled.
Suddenly, as I swallowed, knowledge came flooding into my brain. I saw Tony, Tony D. Struction, guarding a dimension beyond our own. I saw Origami Yoda coming through his own dimension into this one. I saw infinite earths, infinite schools, infinite worlds ripe for the taking. I saw adventures to defeat paper Bounty Hunters. I saw the betrayal of so many– Lance, Mike, Kellen. I saw Noah and Frankie (or Francesca, as she apparently likes to be called) getting captured by some guy with Darth Paper. I saw everything. “Beautiful things, the Skittles. Now, I know everything about you and your worlds!! And soon, with my apprentice, Darth Melted Plastic Dinosaurs, I will–!”
Origami Yoda Force-stuffed the Mail-lennium Falcon into my mouth. I always hate when they interrupt my monologues.
“Never knows when to stop talking, does he…” Yoda chuckled to himself. “Boring he was getting. Moving on to the next reality, we should be…”
“No!! Wait!” I tried to say, but it’s hard to do with an envelope in your mouth.
“Oh, yes. Must not forget my ride,” Origami Yoda said, chuckling. He pulled the Mail-lennium Falcon out of my mouth and hopped inside.. A blue, swirling portal opened at their feet and they jumped in. I ran after them and tried to follow, but the portal closed too quickly.
I was breathing hard. I had a choice to make. I could stay in this reality, a reality where I’d already done as much damage as possible. I had no family here. I had Fako, maybe, but he’d only tolerate me until I’d done my service. Or, I could leave. Spread my chaos to another unsuspecting world. See how they react.
I tossed some of the colored candy into my mouth and made one wish. Then I popped the last remaining Skittles I had inside and chewed. Making my final wish with the candies that had served me so well, I wished for a portal to open, and that I go to that other dimension.
Just as the Skittles always had, they granted me exactly what I wished. A blue portal opened at my feet. I jumped inside, feeling completely, deeply, hopelessly enrobed, like I never had before, in the Dark Side of the Force.
This was not, as Tony said, a fluke accident, I decided.
This was my destiny.
By Tony D. Struction
As long as I have been inside the World Between Worlds, there have never been complications. Everything has functioned exactly as the Force wills it, just as it was supposed to.
But as I and Origami Yoda were flying back down into the World Between Worlds, there was a complication.
I suddenly felt a massive shockwave. A wave of rainbow energy exploded through the portal and slammed against the envelope carrying Origami Yoda. The envelope didn’t stand a chance; it was thrown out of the portal just before we touched down on the ground.
“Origami Yoda!” I yelled. I searched my feelings and I could not feel him anywhere nearby. Origami Yoda was lost between worlds.
I had a sickening feeling that Jacob Minch had something to do with this.
Origami Yoda: The Series Finale, Episode 1: Harvey’s Internal Conflict
A long time ago, in a middle school like twenty minutes from here….
There was a kid named Dwight. Odd fellow. He changed his entire appearance like five times in a row. Very confusing. Anyhow, he folded an origami version of Yoda. He used to give us sixth-grade losers his advice for no apparent reason, and made almost everyone’s life better.
Well, everyone but me.
You see, Paperwad Yoda has thrown me through some crazy loops over the past few years. He left me to deal with the wrath of Mark the Seventh-Grader, saved Kellen from my deviously clever machinations, forced me to pay 50 bucks toward Quavondo failing to strike Mike out, made me lose my precious cheetos, and ruined my plans for Darth Yoda and Darth Paper!
But this was not all he did. Origami Yoda saved my life.
I’d become desperate. So lonely and so frustrated that I’d turned myself over to the Dark Side under the rule of another student, and challenged Yoda/Dwight to a lightsaber duel of insurmountable expectations!!
Unfortunately, the duel went sour. Literally. Dwight began choking on my Emperor Pickletine, and I was forced to choose my path: Save Dwight, and swallow my ego, or Join Vader, and abandon any chance of having friends at all?
I chose Dwight. I saved him. I saved myself. And it was all because of Origami Yoda.
But now Yoda was gone.
Our teacher, Mr. Howell, had seen our little “duel,” and brought up matters with Principal Rabbski. She wasn’t a big fan of origami, and even through Dwight’s best efforts (he tried to give her an origami Leia), her choice was already made. Dwight and I were expelled from McQuarrie Middle School.
I didn’t take the blow too hard. Well, not from an academic standpoint. I was already far above the average intelligence quotient, and my superior intellect would easily provide me with a new school to attend.
Dwight had nothing.
Dwight had nobody.
Dwight’s “girlfriend” Caroline was appalled by his actions, and left the scene rather quickly. Tommy and Kellen moved on with their lives, though I heard rumors that Tommy regretted that decision.
And we all know about how Dwight’s dad left.
Everything was out of control. Dwight’s usually calm temper had reached a boiling point. He had a huge argument with me and the other guys, then disappeared to do whatever a Dwight does.
I felt horrible about the situation. After all, it was just a little bit my fault we were in this situation in the first place.
Tommy’s Comment: “A LITTLE BIT”?!?
It had been four years since the Lightsaber Duel, and I’d like to have believed I’d properly moved on with my life…
Until Yoda showed up.
“Paperwad Yoda.” I grumbled.
“Young Cunningham.” Yoda smiled, eyes widening.
“I’m ending all of this,” I said, holding a bundle of rudimentary-gathered folders, paper puppets, and DVD-Rs. “The case files, the video logs, the origami… I’m gonna burn them down!”
“Burn them, you must not!” Yoda said, plainly.
“Oh, don’t start…”
“MUST!!!! NOT!!!!!” Yoda screeched, waddling out of his envelope Millennium Falcon.
“Fine, fine,” I sighed, defeated. My chest felt heavy. “I’ve been weak. Unwise.”
“Lost McQuarrie, you did.” Yoda stated. “Lose Dwight, we must not.”
“I can’t be what he needs me to be,” I said. “I’m the bad guy. What Dwight needs…”
“What Dwight needs, he already has!” Yoda’s mouth folded into a grin. “Unfortunately, seems to be letting it all go, he is…”
I held my breath. “I can remind him.”
“Go, you must. The greatest teacher, failure is. Master this, Dwight must.”
I left on my journey to confront Dwight, for the first time in a long time… as a friend. And as for Yoda? Well, I had no doubt that little paperwad was real. Did you notice how he Force-pushed Mark that one time?? Freaky stuff! Anyhow, some other guy popped out of a magical portal, then he and Yoda vanished, which would have set me off more if I weren’t so focused on my task at hand: Saving Dwight.
Tommy’s Note: Check out the final episode of Origami Yoda: The Series to see what happens to Harvey and Dwight next! Coming 2020!
Harvey’s Comment: …
Harvey’s Other Comment: …You’re putting ads on my chapters now?
The ‘Real’ World
By The Force
As the Mail-lennium Falcon shot through another portal, it flew right into the mail slot of a house, landing on the floor. Origami Yoda got out of the Falcon and noticed a calendar that read “June 2009”. As he looked around for signs of life, he spotted a trash can with several discarded origami creations. He investigated further and decided to climb up to a nearby desk.
The moment Origami Yoda finished his trek to the top of the desk, a man walked in, and sat down. He picked up Origami Yoda. “Huh. I don’t remember making this.”, the man said. He carefully examined Origami Yoda, making sure not to unfold him. “This is really strange…but I think this gives me an idea…”
The man pulled out a notebook and started scribbling down all sorts of words and phrases. Things like: Origami, Mystery, Star Wars, Weird Kid, Strange, Yoda, and so on. More and more the man kept writing. He wrote for hours. But then, he started drawing. Origami Yoda recognized the doodles almost immediately. “Kellen, you that is?”, Origami Yoda thought. “Be, it cannot!”
Origami Yoda was right. It wasn’t Kellen.
The man began drawing Dwight, Tommy, Harvey, and even Soapy.
But if it wasn’t Kellen, who was it?
The man flipped to another page of his notebook, and wrote:
The Strange Case of Origami Yoda: Outline
By Tom Angleberger
Meet Dwight. A sixth-grade oddball. Dwight does a lot of weird things, like wearing the same T-shirt for a month or telling people to call him “Captain Dwight.”…
As Origami Yoda watched in awe, Tony gently nudged him into another portal, sending them both on their way to the next universe…
The Ultimate Duel of the Fates
By The Force
Origami Yoda blinked, and the world around him had completely changed.
Tony cocked his head to one side. “This place looks…familiar…”
Regal corridors led into a dark room filled with narrow bridges and reactors. Red shields blinked on and off periodically. Beams of blazing colored lights clashed above us.
“Is that… is that…” Tony started.
“Darth Maul.” Yoda scowled.
It was true. The zabrak Sith assassin brandished his red double bladed lightsaber with utter ferocity as he glared into the eyes of…
“Obi-Wan!” Tony exclaimed.
Yoda’s head hung low as he noticed the fallen body of Qui-Gon Jinn.
“Unexpected, this is. And unfortunate.”
Tony turned to Yoda with a start. “What?”
Yoda sighed. “A sad day this was, for the Republic. And for my alien counterpart. The apprentice of his apprentice. His grandchild, you might say. Gone. And defeated, the one responsible was not.”
“Yoda,” Tony said. “Obi-Wan defeats Darth Maul. Cuts him in half.”
“But kills him, does he?” Yoda’s voice cracked. Tony was bewildered to see what appeared to be tears in the eyes of the old green puppet.
“Master,” Tony got down on his knees. “Qui-Gon found the moment when he was needed most. He sacrificed himself to save Obi-Wan, Anakin, and Padmé. And he is avenged, one day. Old Ben kills Maul on the white sands of Tatooine.”
“But not before rage, heartbreak, tragedy does Maul wreak!” Yoda practically yelps. “A harbinger of darkness, he is. The antithesis of the Jedi cause. A beast of cold, reckless hate.”
“What do you want to do about it?” Tony’s question hung in the air. Yoda’s gaze narrowed, fixated on Maul.
“Enough.” Yoda stamped his twig cane so hard it snapped. “Too long have we Jedi sat on the sidelines as the galaxy suffers. Unfair, this is! Unrighteous! No longer.”
Yoda leapt high in the air, landing unsettlingly close to Maul as the creature Force-pushed Kenobi off the platform, where he clung for dear life over a seemingly bottomless chasm.
Tony climbed higher to get a better view of the situation.
Yoda reached out with his arm, sending a message to Obi-Wan through the Force.
“Go for the head, you should.”
Obi-Wan’s eyes opened in bewilderment. He focused on Qui-Gon’s lightsaber with the Force. He breathed in. The Force is with me, and I am one with the Force.
Somersaulting over the vile Sith lord’s head, Kenobi pulled Qui-Gon’s blade into his hands and cleaved Darth Maul in two.
Only this time, he cut at the neck.
Maul’s severed head blinked with surprise, then rage, as it tumbled into the chasm. Maul’s body crumpled to the floor, pushing the tiny green finger puppet down after Maul’s head.
“No!” Tony screamed, plunging himself towards the ledge and reaching out his hand in despair.
Little green fingers curled around his pinky. He smiled, pulling the paper Jedi master up from the pit.
“What the heck were you doing?!” Tony cried. “You could have been killed!”
“Bringing the Force back into balance, I was.” Yoda wouldn’t meet Tony’s gaze. “The right thing to do, it was.”
Tony reached out a finger and lifted Yoda’s head up. The puppet’s mouth appeared to be quivering.
“Yoda…” Tony spoke slowly. “…this isn’t about Maul, is it?”
Yoda exhaled. “In need, the McQuarrie kids are. But not of me. That, they must learn on their own. Truly needs me, Micah does. But confused, disoriented I am.”
“Why?” Tony sat next to Yoda.
“Because I love them. Hmph!” Yoda flattened himself against the ground.
“I love them,” Yoda repeated, much more quietly this time. “And I’ll miss them. My emotions cloud my judgement.”
“Yoda, it’s okay to feel. It’s okay to love. The real Yoda didn’t learn that for a long time.”
“The real Yoda…” The puppet started, a newfound edge to his voice. “…sat around on his little green tushy while his friends were in harm’s way. Unlike him, I am. Unable to do what he does.”
“That’s a good thing. It means you have a heart!”
Yoda glared me down. “Paper, I am.”
“No, I mean…” Tony struggled to find the right words to say. “I mean that you have compassion, just like the real Yoda, and you’re loyal, like the real Yoda. You would stick with those kids to the end, if you could. But the Force has new plans for you. You have new adventures to go on. Like you said, the McQuarrie kids already have everything they need. Do you?”
Yoda hopped up. “Shh.”
Tony scoffed. “No, man, I’m trying to help you out!”
“SHHH!” Yoda bonked Tony’s head with another twig. Tony heard voices and ducked behind a corner. Queen Amidala–Padmé–approached Obi-Wan, along with her royal guard.
“Obi-Wan!” Padmé embraced him in a hug. “What happened?”
Obi-Wan closed his eyes hard to keep from shedding tears. “Master Qui-Gon has become one with the Force. But by his sacrifice, we were able to defeat the Sith assassin.”
“Take him to a medical capsule! Hurry!” Padmé barked orders at her guards. The company ran into the palace interior with Qui-Gon’s body in tow.
“That’s not going to help…” Obi-Wan’s voice faltered. He inhaled deeply. Shakily.
Padmé kissed him.
Tony threw up a bit in his mouth. Yoda dry-heaved.
“Oh, Obi-Wan. I can only imagine the pain you are going through.” Padmé’s eyes locked onto Obi-Wan’s. “You may stay in Theed as long as you like. I’m sure I can make an appeal to Master Yoda…”
Obi-Wan kissed her back. “Qui-Gon died to give me a new chance at my life. I will ensure young Anakin receives proper Jedi training, and then I shall move on from the Jedi Order. There’s nothing there for me now.”
Padmé and Obi-Wan walked away to the greater palace.
Tony was frozen in place. “What…the hutt…did you DO?!?!?!?!?”
“Not my fault, this is!!!!” Yoda screeched. “A freak of nature, this is!!”
“Oh yeah?? The last time I checked, Darth Maul was cut in half and Padmé was married to FREAKING ANAKIN SKYWALKER! What have you done?? Luke and Leia aren’t even going to exist, now!!”
Yoda staggered backward. “Oh poop.”
“Oh crap is right!” Tony picked up Yoda in one hand and grabbed the Mail-lennium Falcon in another. “We either gotta fix this, or get out of here fast. My stomach can only handle so much.”
“I agree.” Yoda said. “Out of here, we must be getting.”
A loud rumble knocked Tony onto his butt.
“A ship must have landed in the hangar. A BIG ship.” Tony rose to his feet, hearing an awful crinkling sound as he stood up.
Turning around slowly, he found the Mail-lennium Falcon under his shoe.
“Oh no no no no no no no!” Tony picked up the envelope in horror, trying to make it fly once more. But it was no use.
The Falcon was no more.
“Gets better and better, this day does.” Yoda sighed.
“THOUGHT THE SAME THING, I DID!” A voice called. This voice was unmistakable.
Yoda–the REAL Yoda–stood at the entryway to the corridor, hands resting on his cane. He walked slowly over to Tony and Origami Yoda, who were both to shocked to move.
“How feel you?” Yoda said, inclining his head toward Tony.
“Cold, sir.” Tony didn’t move a muscle.
“And… my paper counterpart?” Yoda turned to his much smaller doppelganger. “How feel YOU?”
Origami Yoda looked up at the Real Yoda. He should have felt awestruck. Should have felt honored beyond belief. He didn’t even feel angry at his alien self for all the things he’d said before. Instead of these, he felt a very different emotion entirely.
“Failed, I have.” Origami Yoda’s voice broke.
The real Yoda smiled warmly. “Failed? How failed, have you?”
“Abandoned my younglings, ruined this reality, and acted out of vengeance, I have!” Origami Yoda hopped into Tony’s hand.
“Failed, I have…” he repeated. “But no longer. Better off without me are these worlds. All one big joke, this has been!”
“One big joke?!” Tony cried.
“The idea that change the world, a piece of paper could!” Yoda scoffed. “The idea that anyone can do anything if set their heart to it, they do!”
“Yoda…” The Real Yoda picked up the paper Jedi. His voice was pained. “Truly believe this, do you?”
“No longer certain am I of what I believe…” Origami Yoda sighed.
“Rest you need. Yes, rest.” Real Yoda walked Tony and Origami Yoda into the palace. He slowly, calmy, gently carried Origami Yoda to the ornately-decorated door of a guest room.
“Here, you will rest. Sleep for awhile. Let the Force flow around you.”
“Try this, I shall.” Origami Yoda bravely hopped from Real Yoda’s hand onto the doorknob, opening the door to a beautiful Nabooian suite with a lovely window view of the sprawling green hills beyond.
“Night, good. Tight, sleep. Let the bed bugs bite, you should not!” Real Yoda closed the door merrily, before walking Tony down to the next room over. Origami Yoda flopped onto a pillow three times his size, letting his crinkled eyelids softly close as he drifted off to sleep…
The Great Disturbance in the Force
I had just pulled my blanket over my shoulders, cozily settling in for a brief respite from all our intergalactic adventures…
It didn’t last.
“TONY! Hey, Tony!” A voice screamed from above me. I opened my eyes. A wild-looking portal hovered above my head, Spider-Verse style. I rubbed my eyes.
Jacob Minch was extending his hand toward me. “C’mon, man, don’t leave me hanging!”
I furrowed my brow. “What do YOU want, Minch?”
“Look man,” Jacob’s eyes were wide with fear. “I get that we’re, like, enemies in different universes or something, but this goes beyond all that. Something real nuts is going on up here, and I know nothing about it.”
Reluctantly, I took his hand. Jacob pulled me through the portal, bringing me back into the World Between Worlds.
But something was very wrong.
“What did you do?!” I jabbed a finger at Jacob. Every shimmering blue portal was turning reddish-orange, melting like lava. The realm was collapsing in on itself.
“Don’t look at me!” Jacob sneered. “I just snuck into this place. I was barely here two minutes before it all went loco like this!!”
“Oh gosh.” I doubled over. My hands started to fade in and out of reality. I shook my head. “No. No!”
“What?? What’s going on?!” Jacob narrowly dodged a falling piece of an “Origami Yoda and Battles” portal.
I stared back at the already-dripping Naboo portal. “Yoda and I…we kinda screwed up. Big time.”
Jacob blinked. “What the heck could you guys have done?”
“We, uh… We had Obi-Wan Kenobi aim for Maul’s head instead of cutting him in half…?”
Jacob’s jaw dropped. “Holy bantha-poodoo! Do you know what this means?!? Maul won’t be alive to take over Crimson Dawn! Which means they won’t take Qi’ra away from Corellia! Which means that Han gets his happily ever after with her! Which means that he never meets Old Ben and Luke! Which means that he never takes them to Alderaan! Which means that Luke never blows up the Death Star! Which means that Ben Solo is never born, the Death Star still works, the Empire reigns supreme, Snoke and Palpatine could go to war, Satine would still rule Mandalore, Ezra wouldn’t have had the Sith holocron, Kanan would be able to see…”
“Jake. Jacob. Cool it.” I said. “How to say this…uh… It’s worse than that.”
“Obi-Wan has goo-goo eyes for Padmé.”
The portals melted away before I could make another move. I lunged toward the Naboo portal, only for it to fall in splatters and clumps in my hands.
The World Between Worlds was destroyed. We were trapped. Star Wars was ruined.
I fell to my knees as my world turned to black. “I have a bad feeling about this…”
By The Force
The voice of a woman stirred Origami Yoda from his sleep. The same voice he had so clearly heard earlier came now as a whisper.
“Come back to us, Yoda.” she said.
“Died, have I?” Origami Yoda looked down at his paper body, now hovering over the darkening sky of Naboo.
“In a way.” The Force priestess hovered above Yoda, her voice even. “We are all running out of time. The galaxy is in the balance. Your interference in galactic history has compromised the multiverse’s existence.”
“If Star Wars, there is not…” Yoda mused. His heart skipped a beat. “…No Yoda will there be for Dwight to base me off of!”
“The galaxy far, far away needs your help.” The priestess voice now came in sudden gasps. “You must restore…”
And she was gone. Yoda turned his gaze to the planet of Naboo below him.
It was time to end this.
Yoda awoke with a start from his dream-like vision, sprinting out of bed with his little paper feet and rushing out the door. He slammed open the door to the neighboring room, but Tony was nowhere to be found.
“Move fast, I must!” Yoda screeched. He scrambled down the long flights of stairs until he spotted the outlines of the Jedi padawan and the Queen of Naboo basking in the sunlight. Yoda growled.
“No, no, no!” Yoda jumped repeatedly on Padmé’s head, causing the young queen to scream as Obi-Wan activated his lightsaber.
“Do not move, my dear!” Obi-Wan moved his blade in a very careful and precise manner. “I will relieve you of this tree-spawned creature!”
“Out of the woods yet, you are not, young Obi-Wan!” Yoda pounced onto Obi-Wan’s head, pressing his paper hand onto the temples of Obi-Wan’s forehead.
“Sleep… You must unlearn what you have learned…” Yoda’s hypnotizing trance worked, and Obi-Wan’s unconscious form tumbled onto the Theed garden’s sweetgrass.
“Don’t!” Padmé whipped out a blaster in the blink of an eye. “Don’t you come any closer…you…you…”
“Sleeeeeep……” Yoda reached out with the Force, putting all his concentration on wiping Padmé’s memories clean. She soon joined Obi-Wan, falling face-first to the ground.
“Oops! Sorry!” Yoda gulped. “For the good of the galaxy, this was! And, if any consolation this is; not hobby material is Obi-Wan!! Never talks about how he feels, does he! Thank me later, you can!”
Yoda rushed over to the nearest yellow starfighter, hobbled into the cockpit, and prepared to leave.
It was quite the struggle to take off a starship when the pilot’s arms are much too tiny to press a single button or flick a single switch.
“Not my day, has this been!” Origami Yoda fell back into his seat. He sighed deeply. He came all this way…
“Not over yet, is your journey!!” Real Yoda stretched his arms out towards the starfighter, lifting it into the air. “Return to the World Between Worlds, you must!”
“Seeing you again brings warm feelings to my heart!” Origami Yoda smiled. “Thankful for your help, am I!”
“Actually, say it I think you would: thankful for your help, I AM.”
“Irrelevant is this debate! Help my friends, I must!” Origami Yoda closed his cockpit. Real Yoda envisioned the World Between Worlds in his mind, and, using all of the strength in the Force he could muster, he shot the starfighter through his world of reality and into the realm beyond!
Light returned to the World Between Worlds. I opened my eyes. Portals were forming once again from the void. Jacob re-formed, too.
“Oh, thank goodness I’m alive!” Jacob exclaimed. Then he saw me. “Oh, you’re here, too.”
Suddenly, a starfighter came zooming in through the darkness, dissipating at once, and leaving a tiny green finger puppet at my feet.
“Tony…” Yoda murmured. “Right, you always were. No longer my job it is to help the students of McQuarrie. Time it is to let go of the past. To learn from it. To grow. Failed, I had, yes?”
“Uh…yeah?” I shrugged. Dooming the Multiverse was a pretty bad way to screw up.
“The greatest teacher, failure is.” Yoda’s eyes glinted. “Even for older, more experienced ones. Even for me. Time it is to go where the Force wills. To help those in need, not those I need. Sacrifice all, I am willing to do.”
“Then it is time…” I smiled. “Master Yoda, your training is complete. Let’s go home.”
“Yeah…about that…” Jacob’s voice rose with evil glee. “Nobody’s going anywhere until I get what I want.”
“And what is it, so badly you want?” Yoda stood in front of me, holding me at his tiny arms’ length.
“I see a world…” Jacob began. “…where McQuarrie is burned down. I see a world where origami is a thing of the past! I see a world where the great DWIGHT THARP acknowledges my brilliance! I see a world where the rules only apply to everyone else! MY rules!!! MY WORLD!!!”
“Sheesh, bad guy much?” I hoisted up Yoda. He grunted in approval. I threw the little green guy straight at Jacob.
“I KNOW KARATE!!!” Yoda screamed.
Ping! POW! Ka-ZAMMO!!!
Jacob flew backwards. Yoda lifted him into the air with the Force.
“Again, here we go!” Yoda exclaimed. “Another being seeped in the darkness. Another who so easy it would be to defeat forever…”
Yoda hovered Jacob over a portal showing the icy peaks of Hoth, then to another portal glowing orange with the lava rivers of Mustafar. Jacob shrieked in terror.
“Unlike you…” Yoda started. “I learned my lesson.”
Yoda dropped Jacob into a third portal–the one showing his old dimension, the Fold of the Rings/”Legends” one–and warped the portal shut with a Force blast heard throughout the Multiverse.
Yoda shook his head sadly. “A cooler sounding noise, I would have wished for my Force blast…”
“Dude, it’s okay!” I exclaimed, grinning ear to ear. “Look!”
Two portals had just then opened. Both portals radiated overpowering amounts of Force energy. In one portal, an Origami Emperor with a pickle for a head rested on Harvey’s finger. In the other portal, Jacob Minch returned to his reality, holding up a sinister-looking origami Darth Sidious.
“Papertine…or Pickletine?” The voice of the Force priestess asked. “Origami Yoda, you have saved so many on your quest. The students of McQuarrie Middle School will grow beyond your teaching and into the world before them. But Micah is still in need of help. Likewise, there is this new portal. It exploded into existence the second that you felt the disturbance in the Force. It is the doorway to a whole other universe with McQuarrie students gravely requiring your assistance. The choice is yours: help Micah, or help this new universe’s McQuarrie kids?”
Yoda looked back and forth between the two portals. The trials of Micah or the rise of the Bounty Hunters awaited him.
“Yoda?” I said, softly. “What are you gonna do?”
“Be two places at once, can I?” Yoda asked. The question lingered, echoing around us.
“Two Yodas for two trials…” Yoda spoke again. He smiled.
“My decision, I have made!” Yoda announced.
Both portals wavered, warping and fading as they stayed open.
“Be warned,” the priestess said. “Giving you this choice exerts a grand amount of Force energy. The portals will not last forever. Tell me your choice now.”
“Tony…” Yoda said, turning to me. “In your solitude in this world between worlds, training I have for you.”
“Training?” I blinked.
“An old friend is in need of your assistance. One who has returned from the baked beans. My old body.”
My eyes widened. “The FIRST Origami Yoda?”
“How to find him, I will teach you.” Yoda grinned as he stepped towards the portal with Pickletine–the portal where he would aid Micah in his journey. “Wonderful meeting you again, it was. Or meeting you for the first time, was I? Confusing, this is.”
Tony chuckled. “Agreed. Don’t worry, I’ll make sure the old Origami Yoda is powerful enough to outmatch me and my Bounty Hunters. It will be great to see you for the first time.”
Yoda smiled as he stepped into the portal. “May the Force be with you, Tony D. Struction.”
“May the Force be with you, Origami Yoda.”
Origami Yoda vanished as both doorways to the dual worlds shimmered out of existence. I smirked.
Leave it to Origami Yoda to find a third option. Leave it to Origami Yoda to save everyone.
After Origami Yoda arrived at my house on a crisp new Mail-lennium Falcon, he relayed his wild and fantastical journey to me. We laughed. We cried.
“Wait…” I gulped. “You saved the Star Wars galaxy by erasing Obi-Wan and Padmé’s memories, right?”
Yoda nodded with a grunt.
“But…uh…” I raised an eyebrow. “How did you fix the issue with Darth Maul losing his head?”
Yoda’s eyes widened. “Oh poop.”
I ran to the TV and put on Disney Plus. Sure enough, there Savage Oppress was calling out for his brother. Maul’s screams reverberated through the dark and oozy tunnel where they stood.
“See?” I started, turning back to face Yoda. “I guess everything worked out, after all…”
Yoda silently pointed a finger to the TV. I turned back around and gasped.
OH MY… WOW!
When is Twilight of the Student coming out?
This is actually kind of sad… My “Since the first-grade journey” is about to end…
I’m going to make an end credits sequence for Twilight because I’m using this really awesome song and I like star billing
Wow. I have no words. Brilliant.
I mean, let’s think about it. If Obi-Wan got together with Padme and Maul was dead for good, then Count Dooku would be turned to the Dark Side years before he should’ve been. The whole Naboo thing in Episode II would have happened, though it’s Obi-Wan guarding Palme this time, and Anakin’s the 100% serious one who goes on a spy Jedi mission. Genenosis would still happen, but Obi-Wan would get married to Padme. I wonder if Obi-Wan would tell this secret to Anakin? Anyway, Anakin has no soon-to-be son or daughter or even love interest at all to live for, so he’d kill Dooku in a flash and immediately be subdued by Palpatine. Obi-Wan is strong, so he’d still go to face off against Grievous. But Padme would stay back at Coruscant…where the Emperor is training a newly-titled Darth Vader in the same darn penthouse building. Obi-Wan kills Grievous, and this is when the Emperor decides it’s time. Order 66 happens just a little bit early, and all the Jedi are killed. Yoda would, of course, still be on Kashyyyk with Chewie and his buds, so he lives, but all the other Jedi aside from Obi-Wan and Yoda die. (Not sure, by the way, but I honestly think Padme would only be pregnant with one child if it was with Obi-Wan. The OT already established that Padme had twins, but this is a parallel reality we’re talking about here, and twins, triplets, and all other babies born at the same time are kinda rare.)
Padme, C-3PO, and R2 stay on Coruscant this time around. This is a mistake, though. The clone troopers, in this alternate reality, would be alerted by Vader via hologram as he travels to Mustafar that Padme carries Obi-Wan’s child. They shoot her.
Obi-Wan and Darth Vader face off on Mustafar. I think it would end the same way as the original Mustafar battle, with Vader getting burned and Obi-Wan walking away. He senses that Padme is hurt and travels to the moon where she was being cared for at the end of ROTS. Her child is delivered, but as she’s about to die, Obi-Wan appears. I’d still follow the “will to live” thing, so as soon as she sees him, she lives. Yoda exiles himself to Dagobah, and Obi-Wan and his new family go to Tatooine.
Seven years later, Han Solo and Qi’ra live on Corellia, working for Lady Proxima—that gigantic worm alien—in exchange for shelter. Han steals the speeder like in the movie, along with that weird space fuel (I forgot its name). Instead of making a dumb move and showing Qi’ra the canister right before the big meeting of the White Worms shown at the beginning of Solo, he simply skips the underground meeting and shows Qi’ra the canister somewhere private—say, their actual home! I don’t even know why Han didn’t do that in the actual movie!
Han and Qi’ra run away in the speeder with the fuel, and since the White Worms do not know of their betrayal, they get away with it. They get a ship (I’m gonna make this up, but I really like The Ghost from Rebels, so let’s say they get a VCX-100, which is actually mentioned in Solo.) Years later, the pair have a family, and Han has his own goods company like after Return of the Jedi and before The Force Awakens. It isn’t doing so well, so Han hears about Lando Calrissian and his amazing ship somewhere and somehow. Han wins the game of cars and buys the Falcon, and in exchange, Lando gets their VCX-100. Han also got a buttload of money from the card game, because, you know, poker, and his company does well. Meanwhile, Beckett’s gang wins the train heist, since Han and Chewie aren’t there to screw it up. They sell the fuel, take the money for themselves since the Crimson Dawn doesn’t exist, and Rio Durant finally gets that cantina he always wanted.
Part 2 of this alternate reality theory will be soon, because this is getting too long.
Pleeease approve my comment, mods.
Um, no one but the mods are probably ever going to see this, but here’s a Part 2 to what would (probably) happen in the alternate timeline that almost happened in this story.
So, I’mma skip Rebels, because it’s, er, just kind of that thing that lurks in the background. It’s not THAT-that important to the lore, aside from Maul and Ahsoka and the World Between Worlds and hints of how the Emperor could ever resurrect himself.
Okay, Rogue One time! Because of the alternate version of Solo, Enfys Nest fails to get the fuel, and the Rebellion was screwed. They didn’t develop into the thing they were by the time of the movie. They probably weren’t even based in Yavin IV. I bet they’d still have some funding from the Mon Calamari, so Home One, yes, all those big star cruisers, yes. (They’d most likely build their headquarters in those ships, so basically the exact same way they based themselves in Return of the Jedi.) They’d probably have to go to junkyards across the galaxy for even a mere Clone Wars-age Y-wing, or a ARC-170 Starfighter. When they find out about the Death Star, yeah, Cassian and K2 come to rescue Jyn from that weird Imperial prison. Jyn accepts with a little hesitation, like in the movie, and everything else happens. But…Darth Vader is even colder than he is in the real movie, because he had nothing to live for, so he’d just kill Krennic when they encountered each other on Mustafar earlier in the film. Because of this, he’d go all Pennywise on those poor rebel troopers, and he probably wouldn’t stop at anything. When that rebel trooper that escapes Vader at the end closes the door, WHOOSH, he’d throw his saber at the door and slice it into a million pieces using the Force. The trooper would let go. Vader would pull his saber and the Death Star plans back into his hands. Everyone on board the Tantive IV would’ve thought that everything turned out alright, the guy escaped, and they’d detach from the Star Destroyer. But no, the door’s broken. Everyone suffocates. The Death Star plans are still with the Empire. (Again, Luke and Leia were never born.)
All hope is lost for the Rebellion. Some try to leave. But they’re all wanted throughout the entire galaxy. Where to go, hmm? Where to go…
HAN JOHNSON (I’m calling him that now) AND QI’RA LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER LALALALALAALALALALALALALAALLALLALA!!!!
R2 and 3PO (along with the rest of the Tantive IV and its crew) float near Tatooine and surrounding planets. By a slim change of convenience, R2 and C-3PO drift too close to Tatooine (they’re still alive, of course, because, robots). They fall into the hemisphere, and because 3PO is human-shaped, let’s say he dies. R2-D2 survives because he’s the shape of a trash-can.
They’d probably just land on any other spot in Tatooine other than the desert valley where Uncle Owen and his wife lived. So…er…R2 is lost. He keeps walking and walking until one day, some mean stormtrooper randomly shoots at him for fun.
Back at Home One, the Rebellion is stuck at what to do. Obi-Wan Kenobi senses all this from he and Padme’s house on Tatooine. He decides it is definitely time he did something. His…er…let’s say daughter…er…Ruby (?) wants to come save the galaxy, but Obi-Wan goes all overprotective mother on her, while Palme tries to be the encouraging father, because that’s an Obi-Wan and a Padme thing to do.
Obi-Wan goes to Rebellion, and Bail Organa (he lives, since there’s no Leia to hold ransom for where the Rebellion is based) is totally surprised. “Dude, you abandoned us for, like, 20 years! We could’ve won this war a long time ago if you showed up earlier, man!”
Ahsoka’s like, “Obi-Wan? As in Obi-Wan Kenobi? One of my closest and oldest friends? OH MY GOSH, IT’S OBI—”
So now, instead of Luke, Ben, Han, Chewie, Leia, R2, and 3PO, it’s Ben, Ruby, Ahsoka, Bail, and (maybe) a borrowed Chopper, because Ahsoka and the Ghost crew are probably like a divorced family: you get Chopper on the week, we get him on weekends.
They travel to the Death Star on…uh…the Tantive V (it was actually a thing in Legends)? Since (in Legends, by the way) the Tantive V is exactly the same as the Tantive IV, the Empire suspects it’s actually the IV, so, uh, they destroy it. The gang runs away. They all encounter Vader together, since there’s no Leia to be rescued. Obi-Wan reveals he kept Anakin’s blue lightsaber all these years later, and he gives it to Ruby. Ahsoka takes out her two light blue/silver lightsabers. Chopper gets out a hammer. Bail pulls out his blaster.
“Oh no,” Vader probably thinks. “Three Jedi, two of which I used to deeply care about, a droid with a hammer, and a guy with a blaster? Okay, admittedly the droid and the blaster guy will be easy, but not the other three.
The three Jedi duel with Darth Vader, and the duel eventually leads to Obi-Wan fighting Vader alone. He dies, of course, but this time…since the only thing he ever really cared other than his mom was Obi-Wan…he breaks down. The crew decide to take him (with a lot, and I mean a lot, of hesitation) in while they head back to their hangar, but, er…their ship is destroyed. They quickly head onto a Star Destroyer while it’s about to take off. When they head into somewhere private, Vader decides he wants to join the rebels…and cries a lot, too. Using the Force, he throws the whole crew of the Star Destroyer out the window of the cockpit…including pilots, troopers, generals, admirals, and maybe even Tarkin, by chance.
Using all of his might, he puts the glass of the cockpit back together. He falls unconscious to the floor as Bail takes control of the ship.
It all happened because of a piece of paper
So was the BB-Maul stinger ever solved?
Nope LOL this story references robot legs Maul, not really BB-Maul. My guess is, in the same way that Captain Micah’s help from Origami Yoda didn’t get finalized til the end, the BB-Maul change didn’t go into effect until after, as well… I guess Yoda, Vernon, and JC will need to take care of that!
WOW!!!! ORIGAMI YODA MESSED UP!!!! HE SHOULD HAVE KNOWN THAT PADME AND OBI WAN WOULD FALL IN LOVE!!!!