Episode 5: The Week of Emperor Papertine
It started on Monday and lasted for one school week. The first day seemed fine. We were just hanging around at our table, Yoda giving advice, when suddenly this kid walks over. He said, “Hi, my name is Jacob. Jacob Minch. Would you mind if I sit with you guys?” I let him sit down, and he seemed okay. We talked for a little bit and he told us a cool story about how he met Dwight back in preschool. They used to be best friends, but they both grew more and more distant, until they stopped being friends. But Jacob found out that Dwight went to McQuarrie, and decided to transfer schools here. After hearing his story, we were going to homeroom. Jacob told us he had to go to the bathroom. When I was about to go in the door, I saw Jacob round the corner, past the bathrooms. It seemed a little weird, but I went to homeroom anyway.
THE CLONE WARS
When I came out of homeroom, it was nonstop CHAOS! Kids had clones and battle droids and they were all throwing paper air planes at each other. Some were old foes, like Jack and Tony, and some were friends, like Murky and Remi. One guy ran up to me and told me to get out my Luke SkyFolder from the Origami Rebel Alliance. I complied. Charging out into the cafeteria, I saw students jumping on the tables, engaging in a massive food fight; while some kids were just hiding behind turned-around tables, trying to avoid RibBQs and hoagies. Finally, the Principal walked in, and told everybody to stop. Most students complied. Because the Principal couldn’t figure out exactly who started the whole mess, EVERY STUDENT was given a demerit! Not cool man! And that was only the FIRST DAY of the week!
today was total ROCKETS!
Remi kellen and i were going to class when this pikpok pete wearing a hoodie came over and demanded that we give him our lunches
i said okay but kellen stood in front of Remi protecting her and said “no!”
we were looking at a total FISHMASTER DISASTER when the jerk guy backed off and ran away
i think he was scared of kellen
later i was walking through the hallways when the same hoodie guy as before started asking other people for their lunches! not cool man! i ran up to him and said “stop it you goobler!” which is my new nickname for anyone whos really really mean
he glared at me angrily but i stood my ground and he backed away
afterwards i talked to origami yoda and he said “brave you are hrrrm?” so i took it as a compliment
The third day actually had a beacon of hope. You remember the new guy, Jacob? Well, he signed up to be in the election for the new Class President!
He made a speech today, in the middle of lunch. “I promise freedom from the one who has been stealing lunches and sparking battles. And I also promise a better environment, with NO bullies, NO disruptions, and NO mean comments! I know what it’s like to lose friends…..” He gulped. “But, I swear that, for as long as I am Class President, NOBODY will lose their friends!”
“How liberty dies, this is,” Origami Yoda said. “With thunderous applause.”
Then, out of nowhere, someone started firing an actual paintball gun at Jacob!
I shouted “NOOOO!!!!” and jumped in the way of the paintball. It hit my right arm. Hard. I landed on the cold cafeteria floor. I think it was wet with spilled orange juice or something. At least, I really hope it was orange juice.
Oh. I was wearing a long-sleeved white shirt. Now the arm was splattered blue, and the bottom was soaked orange. JUST GREAT.
But on the bright side, apparently nobody else signed up for the election, so Jacob entered and won the election in ONE DAY!!! Crazy, right??
Aside from the paintball disaster, everything worked out pretty well on Day 3……Aside from the fact that we never did figure out who had the paintball gun…..
I was in the middle of LEGO Robotics class, when Jacob walked over.
“Hey, Sara,” he said. “So….. I had an extra ticket to tonight’s baseball game, and I was wondering…..would you be interested?”
I blushed. “Aw, Jacob. That’s really sweet, but I actually have other plans.”
Jacob’s smile faded. “Oh. Okay. I totally understand.”
I felt kinda bad, but I think I made the right decision.
“Oh, and I’m just wondering, but….” Jacob started. “What plans did you have?”
“Oh, um, me and Tommy were gonna go hang out at my youth group.” I tried to give him my most compassionate smile. I mean, I was touched that he liked me, but I made a commitment to Tommy.
Later that day, I was cleaning out my backpack, and noticed a letter stuffed in there. I pulled it out and read it to myself.
I completely understand about tonight not working out. Maybe some other time?
I think you’re really sweet and a cool friend. You’re awesome.
After youth group with Tommy, he stumbled on the letter. And–so as to not complicate things or bore you to death, I’ll just tell it to you short–Tommy and I had a bit of a fight, and now Tommy thinks Jacob and I are an item.
I’m sure Jacob is a sweet guy at heart, but he certainly made my relationship with Tommy hit a bump in the road.
I don’t know what it is, but I don’t really trust that Jacob guy. Call me crazy.
Tommy’s Note: You’re crazy!
Anyway, on Day 4, I was sitting in the library, when I heard that annoying paperwad’s voice. “To a dark place, this day will carry us. Great care we must take.”
I turned over to Dwight. “If it has anything to do with Jacob, I get how Yoda feels. That guy gives me the creeps.”
“Dark Side, he is,” Paperwad Yoda said. “Destroy the Sith, we must.”
If Paperward Yoda and I were AGREEING on something, then this Jacob guy must be really bad news.
Jacob walked into the library, as if on-cue. “Hey, everybody!” he said. “As your new Class President, I hereby ban all origami from this school.”
“WHAT?!?” Tommy and Kellen cried. “But, that’s what SAVED this school from FunTime!”
“Yes, and it had its time for heroics,” Jacob said. “Now, it is time for a new era. A McQuarrie Middle School…..paperless. Oh, and we ARE going to be trying Edu-Fun’s new, updated program.”
“NOOOO!!!” Kellen cried. “You ARE a Sith!!”
“Once more, the electives will be core focus for our school! And, we shall have….peace.” He smiled.
Just then, Mrs. Calhoun walked over to us, holding a bucket. Everybody but Dwight and Tommy and I instinctively stuck their origami puppets in there. Mrs. Calhoun didn’t look particularly thrilled by this change, either. She rolled her eyes at Jacob. “Jacob, I think the power of being Class President MAY be going to your head.”
“SILENCE!” Jacob yelled. “This is MY school now! MY school, MY rules!”
“This is not your school, Jacob,” Mrs. Calhoun took a deep breath, and set down the bin with our origami. “This school belongs to the community at large.”
“Understood,” Jacob said, flatly. “You’re fired.”
Mrs. Calhoun raised an eyebrow. “You can’t do that. Being Class President doesn’t give you that kind of power!”
“Oh?” Jacob slowly grinned. “And, what if………the school board agrees with my decision?”
Mrs. Calhoun’s face turned white. “I, um…..”
Mrs. Calhoun left the library.
“Now that our intrusion has been dealt with,” Jacob said. “……Let’s bring in our secret weapon. Wheel it in, boys!”
Two kids–John Oxley and Tony D. Struction–brought in a portable shredder. It was painted silver, and it looked vaguely familiar.
“Introducing….The Death Shredder!” Jacob boomed. “Mr. Randall, if you’d please.”
Mr. Randall walked up to the Death Shredder (looking just as excited about it as Mrs. Calhoun did), taking the bin with everyone’s origami. He was about to shred them all…..forever.
“Don’t even think about it, Minch!” I said. I ran up to the Death Shredder, and tried to find a way to turn it off. Tony blocked my path. I sidestepped him, but bumped into John Oxley. Perfect.
“Tommy!” I cried. “Pull the plug!”
Tommy jumped up, and ran towards the power outlet in the wall. But, before he could get over there, Jacob blocked his path. He pulled something out of his back pocket. Something that made Tommy step back.
“But that’s–that’s–” He stumbled.
Jacob snickered. “Emperor Papertine.”
I paused for a moment. Something felt eerily familiar, and I couldn’t place what. Didn’t we already deal with an Emperor puppet before? But…it wasn’t origami then….ugh. Brain fart. Forget it. “Uh, yeah, well, you just said we couldn’t have origami any more,” I said. “So, aren’t you breaking your own rule?”
“Class President rewards,” Jacob cracked his knuckles. “Now…..the origami, PLEASE.”
Mr. Randall paused. “No.”
And he snagged the cord from the wall, and turned off the Death Shredder!
“At an end, your rule is!” Mr. Randall said. Dwight was standing at his side.
Origami Yoda finished the quote. “And not short enough it was.”
I pushed over the Death Shredder, and Dwight ran towards Jacob, chasing him out of the library.
“Okay, guys,” Mr. Randall said. “If you guys aren’t chasing Jacob out of this school, I’M going to get him expelled.”
EMPEROR PAPERTINE’S RISE
We followed Dwight and Jacob. They were running outside. I know Origami Yoda said, “Wars do not make one great,” but I guess when the Class President tries to throw you in a shredder, all bets are off; because Dwight was grappling with Jacob over Papertine. Oh, and did I mention that Papertine had “Sith lightning” blue sparklers taped to his front? So far, they hadn’t done anything other than blind us for a couple seconds, but I was worried. What if the tape didn’t hold? What if……
Jacob tripped. A sparkler went flying into the air. It was just about to land on top of Jacob, when Dwight grabbed it.
“Dwight is my ally,” Origami Yoda said. “And a powerful ally, he is. Grace, he’s provided you. Now go. Leave the school, you must.”
Jacob got up, dropped Papertine, and boy, did he run! I didn’t stop him. Hopefully, that would be the last we’d see of Jacob.
After spreading the word that Jacob was gone (and apparently, he wasn’t actually enrolled in the school to begin with), we found Dwight in the science room with Papertine taped to the bottom of a jar with water in it. Dwight took some thongs and put some dry ice in the jar. The water froze and Dwight put the jar in a box and buried it somewhere, but even we don’t know where.
THE ALMOST-DANGEROUS PART
I was just getting in my dad’s car to leave, when I heard him gasp. I turned around, and blinked. I must be dreaming. I must be dreaming. I kept it repeating over and over in my head. I must be dreaming. For, when I turned around, I saw flames rise closer and closer towards McQuarrie Middle School.
I ran to where the flames were, despite the warnings of my dad. I was surprised he even looked up from his phone long enough to notice. I tried to find the origin of the fire. The other sparkler. When Jacob dropped Papertine, the second sparkler must’ve caught the grass on fire, leading to the school!
I ran inside the building (thank goodness Janitor Phil left the doors open again), and I grabbed a big pitcher of water from the room where we have science class. I drenched the fire in the liquid. The flames rose higher than before, and were getting even closer to the school.
“Drat,” I mumbled to myself. “That wasn’t water.”
Whatever that chemical was, it most certainly wasn’t helping. I ran back inside, went to the water fountain, and filled a pitcher. I poured it over the fire, and set it out, just as it touched the doorway.
A trail of dead grass had spread out behind me. I tried my best to hide any evidence that there had ever been a fire. I saved McQuarrie Middle School.
I broke the news about Jacob to Sara that night, cause she was sick that day. She looked sad. “I’m sure there’s good in Jacob. He was really nice to me. Don’t give up on him.”
“Promise me you won’t fall for him? Even if he comes back?” I said.
Written By SuperFolder JohnF