CLOSED, THIS CASE IS
This unofficial direct sequel to Emperor Pickletine Rides the Bus is set at McQuarrie High School in 2018, and shows what happened to Dwight, Tommy, and the others during their high school years with the absence of Origami Yoda.
PROLOGUE – Obligatory Exposition
My name is Tommy Lomax. I’m a Senior at McQuarrie High School, and this is the final case file in the McQuarrie Manuscripts.
What are the “McQuarrie Manuscripts”, you ask? They are a series of 6 case files focused on an origami finger puppet that looked like Yoda from the Star Wars films. Strange, right? Well, that’s what I thought. So I named the first case file “The Strange Case of Origami Yoda”. Now you’re thinking, “Why of all things did some kid do research on a finger puppet? He must’ve been crazy!”.
I could be crazy, but so was everyone else who took his advice. Oh, that’s right – I should probably mention that Origami Yoda wasn’t just your average finger puppet. He gave advice.
Woah, woah, wait, wait, WAIT! Don’t stop reading yet! We’ve only just scratched the surface of this crazy story. Let me explain the situation:
All the way back in 5th grade, there was this kid – Dwight Tharp. Crazy weird, didn’t really have any friends. He sat on the edge of the stage near me and my friends, Kellen Campbell and Harvey Cunningham, every “Fun Night”. Fun Nights were basically less formal dances, held once a month in the cafetorium of McQuarrie Middle.
One night, Harvey and Kellen talked me into asking this girl, Hannah, to dance. Just as I was about to do it, Dwight jumped in front of me and shoved this green wad of paper in my face. “Rush in, fools, do!”, he said in the worst Yoda impression I had ever heard. Obviously I ignored it, but he did it a second time. And a third time. Finally, I just sat back down.
Harvey, who was a major jerk back in the day, decided that since I was too chicken to ask Hannah to dance, that he would do it just to prove Dwight and his “Little Green Paperwad”, as Harvey always called it, wrong.
So Harvey goes up to Hannah, and says, “Hey Hannah, wanna dance?”, very loudly. As soon as those words came out of his mouth, Mark the 7th Grader walks up to Hannah, who happened to be his girlfriend. Harvey tried to laugh it off, but instead, he had to run into the bathroom to stop his bloody nose.
It was at that moment that Kellen and I both realized, the fool did rush in. And got his butt handed to him in the process. After that, we became friends with Dwight, and listened to Yoda from then on.
Now that the basic stuff is out of the way, I’m gonna explain what the rest of this case file is about.
Basically each chapter is going to be written by a different member of the McQuarrie gang. Obviously some people from previous files will return, some won’t. *cough* Lance, Murky, and Rhondella *cough*, and there might even be a few people who were a part of the recorded events, but never got to talk about them in the actual case files.
So without further ado, I present to you the final McQuarrie Manuscript: Closed, This Case Is.
CHAPTER 1 – It’s been 84 Years…
Okay, fine. Maybe it’s been more like 4 or 5 years, so what? I like movie references. Speaking of movies, I guess I should mention that my new hobby is making short films with Sara, Kellen, and Harvey. We’ve made 2.5 Cowboy Snail movies (don’t ask), Willowdale, a movie kinda like The Goonies, and we’re currently working on a musical version of some old Jack Tales.
Also, as you probably guessed from me talking about her a second ago, Sara and I are still together. Which is surprising considering all the embarrassing stuff I do. I guess that just goes to show how awesome she is. No matter how much I might screw up, she’ll always be there for me. And vice versa, but not that she ever screws up.
I’m gonna avoid getting all romantic here, and just focus on the facts, so let me catch up on some other stuff. First off, I let my hair grow back out. It was a mess again at first, but a little bit of gel, goes a long way.
I suppose I should also talk about Dwight. He’s – the same, but different. It’s hard to explain. Ya see, he was good ol’ Dwight all the way through last year. Then Caroline left. She didn’t leave him, but she graduated a year early from Tippett, and started to attend a college several hours away from Lucas County. But I won’t get into a lot of that, because I have a feeling she’ll be talking about it in her own chapter. But back to Dwight.
Dwight is just lonely right now. He still goes to Wendy’s every week and just sits there. Doesn’t order anything. We ask him to hang out with us, but he just says he’s busy. Kellen and I went to his house a couple weeks ago and hung out with him, but he mainly just sat there folding paper airplanes and throwing them out his window one by one. Poor guy.
Kellen, Harvey, and I have been planning a surprise party for his birthday to take him to go see Avengers: Infinity War. (Let’s face it, Solo won’t be that good.) So hopefully that will cheer him up at least for a little bit. I work at the local movie theater downtown so we get to see it a night early (woo-hoo!), which is a nice perk.
One more thing before I end this chapter. I don’t want to make this super long, because of editing, typos, time to actually write, so I’ve given a basic 3 step structure of chapter for everyone to follow. It goes a little like this:
- Name, Grade, Basic Stuff
- What You’re Doing Now
- What You Plan on Doing
Now everyone’s chapter won’t be 100% like that, but all of them will include that stuff, or at least I hope they will. Anyways, that’s it for me. Enjoy the rest of the story.
Alright, so uh, you know the drill. Using the, uh, recorder thingy so you can, uh, edit out all my, uh, “uh’s”.
So I guess I’ll start off with this: I’m a free man! That’s right, I’m single as a pringle yet again, and man, it feels good. Looking back at the old case files earlier just makes me laugh at how I used to, let face it, chase after girls.
I’m gonna get real for a second and just say, when I was trying to get a relationship, I knew my chances were probably low, and I got depressed a lot because I would always have a crush on some girl way out of my league. I never really left the house or went anywhere, just kinda moped around, ya know. It was bad.
But that was a while ago. Nowadays I’ve accepted that “I have too much creativity to cater to a relationship”, or something like that. I go out with friends and watch movies, still draw a lot. In fact, I’ve been working on a comic series for a long time.
It’s called “The Misadventures of Balathor the Destroyer” and follows this guy, Balathor (obviously), and his journey through life after being defeated by The Power Squad and losing his “Villain of the Week” job. Each issue Balathor tries to get a different job to make ends meet. Also having him be a villain is quite funny because he can’t really use his laser vision or other powers while he’s bagging groceries or something. So I’ve got that goin’ for me, which is nice.
I don’t really have any plans for college, I just want to see if any of my ideas or drawings take off and go from there. I should probably have more of a plan than just hoping some famous dude will go “Wow! This Campbell guy is really good!” and hire me on the spot. Probably won’t happen, but hey, it’s worth a shot, right?
Don’t really have much else to say. So I guess that it. May the Force and/or Folds be With You and all that jazz. And pick up a copy of Balathor if you see it in a store someday. Peace.
Hey all, Mike here. It’s been a while since I’ve written of of these, so I hope it goes well. A lot has happened since the whole “Home Run” incident several years ago. Mainly I practiced baseball pretty much non-stop since then. After I learned to let go of my anger, I found out I really enjoyed sports, and now I’m the all star player on McQuarrie’s batting lineup. Pretty crazy, right?
Now don’t think I’m some big jock now or something, save that stuff for the football team. I still love Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, and the MCU. I still talk to Tommy, Kellen, Dwight, and the rest of the gang that’s stuck around, otherwise I wouldn’t have written this thing in the first place.
My plan right now is pretty simple, I guess. Try to keep my grades up, keep playing baseball, try to get into a school via sports scholarship(s), and then obviously my big dream is to play MLB. If that doesn’t happen, I’d still like to try and work in the sports field somewhere. Maybe as a sports commentator.
I haven’t really thought that much about origami these days, but to be fair I have a lot to thank origami, er Yoda, er Dwight, – you get the idea – for. If it hadn’t of been for Dwight/Yoda’s advice during the game that day, I would probably still be a loser (no offense, guys) and never have discovered my love for sports.
I hate to end it here, but I’m uber busy these days. It’s pretty much like a balancing act of sorts. Anyways, I hope this was good enough for ya, Tommy. Maybe you’ll see me in the big leagues someday.
Wassup?!? I know that’s outdated, but it’s still fun to say. So let’s start off with, uh, I got a job!
Yeah, I got a job at the QwikPick over in Crickenburg, making biscuits and whatnot. I suppose I have Origami Yoda to thank for this as well, because if it hadn’t been for the whole “Cheeto Hog” incident, I wouldn’t have been grounded, which means I wouldn’t have thrown my phone against the wall, which means it wouldn’t have broken, which means I wouldn’t have gotten a job to pay for a new phone. Turns out, I really like this job, making food and all. Also these kids come in from time to time talking about “Poop Fountains” and rats with some dudes face on it. Rad.
Anyways, now that I’ve discovered my love of cooking, I’ve decided that I want to become a master chef. Cooking is crazy fun, at least for me. It’s almost like a science, well it is a science. It’s fun to experiment and create “Frankenfoods” as I like to call them. I’ve made so many of those, I’m allowed to sell them in the store. No one really buys them though. Maybe it’s because it looks kinda like vomit. But trust me it tastes good!
The QwikPick is nice and all, but obviously I don’t want to stay here forever. I’ve been looking at several culinary schools for a while now, and it looks like I might get in at my top choice, which is awesome to say the least.
After that, I’ll just “go with the flow” I suppose. Maybe I’ll get to be on one of those cooking shows where the chefs yell things at you like “This squid is so undercooked, I can still hear it telling Spongebob to piss off!”
That’d be pretty cool.
Sara – Chapter 5
Harvey – Chapter 6
Mr. GCF – Chapter 7
Soapy – Chapter 7.5
Caroline – Chapter 8
Dwight – Chapter 9